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TO WASHINGTON 


WITH 


Let those who laugh 
Now whoop it up and roar. 
For those may laugh 

Who never laughed before. 

— The Tomahaw^k. 



By JOE^KOSEY.^ 

ILLUSTRATIONS 
FROM ORIGINAL DESIGNS 

BY THOMAS SHORTFELLOW. 



POSTLEY 1 BERTINE, 

STATIONERS, 

81 & 83 Fulton St., 

Market and Fulton Nat’lj MCW/ 

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Shine T{emoved from Diagonals, 

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OLD COLD. 

If the readers of “A Comic Journey” will get out 
their old gold, old silver, old jewelry, and send it 
by mail or express to me, we will send them, by 
return mail, a certified check for full value thereof. 
HOUSE ESTABLISHED 1822. 

GEORGE N. JOYCE, 32 Fulton Street. 

J. UNDERWOOD & CO., 
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204 FULTON STREET, NEW YORK. 


CONTAININO THE ADVENTURES OF 


EOCKLAND CO., 

THE PIG AND ROOSTER PEDESTRIAN, 


WHO 

BY CARRYING LIVE POULTRY AND BACON TO WASHINGTON 
SAVED HIS COW AND THE WAGER MONEY, BESIDES 

HAVING A VERY AMUSING TIME AT THE VARIOUS 
MUSEUMS THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY. 


STARTING POINT : MADISON SQUARE PARK, NEW YORK CITY. 

DESTINATION : WASHINGTON, D. C. 



FULFILLING A WAGER OF ONE THOUSANT) DOLLARS. 


FOUNDED ON FACTS, 


COPTKIGHT, 189i, 

By CHARLES EDWARDS. 


All Rights Reserved. 


CONTENTS. 


PAGE 

Explanatory — Author's Preface and Note v 

CHAPTER I. 

Making the Bet : Descriptive — Counter Arguments — Queer Bets — Rock- 


land Co. Suggests a Novelty— Concerning the Wager — The Wager Made. 7 

CHAPTER IL 

The Bet Lost : Political Outlook — Old Friends — About the Journey 13 

CHAPTER III. 


Rockland Co. Prepares for the Start : Romeo and Jumbo — Training 
— Gannon Enthuses 14 


CHAPTER IV. 

Preliminary : Photographs of Rockland Co. — Haverstraw — A Lively Band — 

A Bad Wheel — The Wheel Right 16 

CHAPTER y. 

Final Start : On the Train at Spring Valley — New York City— Putnam 
House— Madison Square Park — Brewster Emphasizes a Speech (Illustra- 
tion) — Jersey City — Romeo and Jumbo Attract Attention — Moike and Pat- 
rick — Other Incidents 19 

CHAPTER VI. 

On the Way : Brewster Quizzed — Romeo and Jumbo Get Rockland Co. in 
Trouble — Takes to his Heels — Princeton — Rather Dark — Oration to the 
College Boys — Off for Holmesburg — Snow — Brewster Missing — Frozen in 
— Crow-Shooting — A White Crow — “ Gweat Goodness ! I’m Shot” 
(Illustration) — Red Lion Inn — Jumbo Turns Gourmand — Romeo Smiles. .. 23 

CHAPTER VII. 

At Philadelphia : A Big Reception— Reporters — Arch Street Museum — 
Tom Brewster Discourses as to the Arwistocracy— Nala Dalmajante— The 
Pets Criticised — An Immense Pwessure — Icebwergs for the Toilet — Nala’s 
Nerve — Brewster Tries Snake Charming — A Good West — A Broker Broken 
up (Illustration) — Nala Lonesome — Whitewash m. Whitesides— Chester — 
Rockland Co. — Absquatulateth, the Scientist 30 


IV 


CONTENTS. 


PAGE 

CHAPTER YIII. 

At Wilmington : Brewster Takes a Bracer — An Oyster Story — Payne and 
Jacob s Band — Striking Music — At the Museum — Reporters— Sturgeon at a 
Premium — Ben Hauck — The Trestle Bridge Over the Susquehanna — The 
Special Due— Hustling — Brewster’s Leap for Life — Saved ! (Illustration) — A 
Timely Difference — Rockland Co. Warbles — The Engineer — Cockney m. 
American — Au Revoir to the Lightning Express — Havre de Grace — Dwed- 
fully Black — A Hoosier Spori — Everything Goes for Money — Butting a 
Grindstone — The Signal from Winterbotham’s — Whizz ! (Illustration) — 

The Queen of Beauty Knocked Out — A Backwoods’ Preacher— Gunpow- 
der Celebrates — Tom Nervous — Jerry — Moralizing 36 

CHAPTER IX. 

At Baltimore : Mrs. Starrs — Toby and Brewster — Professor Worth — Mys- 
tery Shows — Eulogizes Romeo and Jumbo — Tom Brewster and the Report- 
ers — More Celebration — Brass Band — Tehuantepec McGinnis — More Mu- 
seum — A Pedestrian Reporter— The Pets Remonstrate — Tackled by Four 
Minds — Photographs Come High — An Amazon on the War-Path— Mr. 
Schnicks — Tom and Jocko — A Satin Fauteuil — A Black Ball — A Timid 
Quadroon — Merrick and Gannon — Lots of Photographs — Mr. Brooks — 
Honoring Francis Scott Key — Delphy’s— Tom Meets his Fate — Ada — 
Burning Hot ! — Jolly Collegians — Downey — “ That’s Downey’s Son” 47 

CHAPTER X. 

The Wager Fulfilled : Brewster an Unconscious Humorist— His Exces- 
sive Modesty — A Storm, a Shelter, too much Shelter — Mighty Small 
Restaurant — Pieter, Massah ?” — Mr. Jardine’s Good Stories — Monsieur 
Villars — Objecteth to a Passport — Major Hunt’s School — Met by Chance — 
Washington — Pennsylvania Avenue Enthused — Mr. Brooks — Sightsee- 
ing — Tom Brewster — Meets Lord Garmoyle — A New Yankee Doodle — 

A Surprise— The Inaugural — The Origiual Four — Return to Haverstraw — 
Effect of Ancestry — General Brewster Preserves his War Papers (Illustra- 
tion) — Moike and Patrick again — Spring Valley’s Reception — Haverstraw 
— Banquet — Mexican Field-Pieces, Gunpowder, and Fireworks — Rockland 
Co. Starts for his Domicile — “ Look at Me, Petey !” — Soft Snap for Romeo 

i and J umbo 


58 


PREFACE TO THE PUBLIC. 


Ik writing tliis volume, I have endeavored to give my 
readers some account of a Comic Journey to Washington, 
in a comic manner, by a comic man, and having done my 
best from the start to make the journey an entertaining 
one. With this brief preface, will make my bow, with sin- 
cere regards, 

J. K. 

Note. — T he sobriquet of Rockland Co., by which our traveller was known, 
and is frequently so styled in this volume, was acquired while making daily trips 
through Rockland Co., N. Y., as a dealer in farm produce during several years, 
when he won the esteem of all by good-humor and fair dealing. 


THEODORE DOW, 

MANUFACTURER 
AND DEALER IN 

FlUE - BOOTS - m ■ SHOES, 

392 & 394 BEDFORD AVE., 

BKOOKLYN,N. T. 

COOPER & McKEE. 

REFRIGERATORS 

Meat Safes, Blacking Cases, 
Commodes, and 
House Furnishing Goods, 

FACTORY : OFFICE : 

113 to 119 Gwinnett St. G^NETT STREET, 

146 to 152 Middleton St., BROOKLYN, N. Y. 


WILLIAM GREEN'S SONS, 

Heal Estate ana IDoitgages, 

FIRE AND PLATE GLASS INSDRAKCE, 

298 Bedford Ave., 

ESTABLISHED 1850. BROOKLYN. 

R. H. THURSTON, 

Successor to R. THURSTON SONS, 

gaitxt^r and 

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PAINTERS’ SUPPLIES. 

85 BROADWAY, 

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A. NEWMAN, 

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A. KLEIN, 

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CLEANING, ALTERING AND 
REPAIRING DONE ALSO. 

172 Broadway, 

NEAR DRIGGS ST. BROOKLYN, E. D. 


BROOKLYN, N. Y. 

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GROCER 

506 WYTHE AVE., 

COR. SO. TENTH ST. BROOKLYN, E. D. 


BOOK HAILED ► 

ON RECKIF»X OK KRICK. 


ADDRESS 

COMIC JOURNEY CO., 

265 Berry Street, Near South 1st Street, BROOKLYN, E. D. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON 


CHAPTER I. 

MAKING THE BET. 

Time, a sunny afternoon in October, year of grace 1891. 

Place, the cosey, pleasant sitting-room in the residence of P. T. Lispenard, at 
Spring Valley, Rockland Co., N. Y.; a neatly furnished apartment, too, where 
tables covered with a liberal supply of magazines and other reading matter, as 
well as bricA-brac of various description, the latter adorning the mantel, and 
scattered carelessly around, served at once to please the eye and render the visit 
of any guest decidedly agreeable. 

Spacious easy-chairs and other articles of modern comfort were placed in 
convenient positions, and a glance through the half-open door showed a very 
tastefully furnished parlor. 

Altogether the place was kept in good style, and the casual visitor would be 
hpt to think twice before departing, especially if, as it is sometimes the case 
during fall weather in that locality, the day or evening were stormy. 

Parties present four, to whom the following description will apply : 

Ambrose Gannon, farmer and resident, a tall, lanky individual, having an 
unduly prominent nose, which had been touched all too brightly by the suns of 
ihany harvest-times, and was correspondingly rubicund in color ; a nice dark 
claret would fit the subject (mind, I don’t say the nose) to a nicety ; it was such 
a nose as Napoleon the First would have naturally selected for one of his field 
marshals, suggesting large ideas and immensity of grasp ; his hands looked as 
though contact might confirm that impression, being large and weather-beaten, 
and they were also very long and bony. 

His eyes were small and deep- set, looking keenly and withal somewhat 
merrily from under rather shaggy eyebrows, and his cheek-bones stood out 
sharply at an angle of forty-five degrees, giving to his features somewhat the 
cast of the lone Indian, as remembered from illustrations of that article in our 
earliest school-readers. 

One glance at his hair, however, would dispel any inference as to Indian 
traditions in his family-tree, for although it was jet black and rather coarse as to 
quality, it stood up on his head in a .large shock, entirely untrammelled by the 
use of comb or brush, presenting a faithful picture of his own wheat-field before 
harvest-time. No respectable Indian, unless very mad, and on the “ war-path” 
at that, would ever wear such a head-dress. 

‘ His attire corresponded with his face, being a short coat made of jean or 
cotton, buttoned loosely, and fastened with a belt around the waist, a pair of 
dark blue overalls tucked in heavy cowhide boots, and to give an extra finish to 


8 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


his costume, upon a neck tanned and seamed by sun and wind appeared an 
enormous standing collar of the Andrew Jackson pattern, which was held in 
place by a large yellow stock. 

In short, Ambrose Gannon was in dress and feature (as in manner and con- 
versation, which he kept up in the genuine Yankee dialect), a Brother Jonathan 
type of the Yankee farmer from the rural districts. 

The second party, Tom Brewster, a nephew of Donald Merrick (the latter a 
wealthy commission merchant), was fresh from the city, and had just dropped 
in to while away an hour, as well as to g'et the host’s political status, or take his 
pedigree, as it were. The description of the first-named individual would not 
apply to him, as he was a party of a different class, of the genus fop, decidedly, 
and so you (gentle or manly reader, as the case may be) would have said after a 
brief survey of the above gentleman, from the extremely well-pomatumed head 
down to the toe of an effeminately small foot, said foot being clad in a tight- 
fitting, patent-leather shoe, and crossed over the other in a way to attract 
attention. 

His face was remarkable (if inane expression is ever so) for a perfect repose 
which no incident of any nature could alter. A rather pallid complexion, faded 
blue eyes, devoid of animation, straw-colored hair, and mustache waxed fiercely 
upward comprised the catalogue of his attractions. 

Taken as a whole, he looked the townman who, having had any amount of 
cash, had made the most of life irrespective of time or conditions. 

His dress corresponded with his features, and consisted of a tight-fitting 
Prince Albert suit, the vest closing in around the neck, except where a standing 
collar and portion of a black tie, fastened by a small solitaire, were visible ; also a 
gold chain of expensive make and lavender kid gloves. 

At the present period in this story he was sitting in one of the easy-chairs, 
employing his very valuable time in tapping his shoe with a small gold-headed 
cane, varying that diversion by occasionally stroking the head of Pannie, a large 
setter dog (which, being of an affectionate nature, reminded him of that trait by 
poking her nose between his hands), or occasionally raising his cane to touch 
Flewie, the large Maltese cat, who would make a sudden spring after it, and 
missing it fall backward, much to his edification. 

At times he would glance toward Gannon and mine host, who were seated 
near the centre-table deeply discussing all the pros and cons of the coming Presi- 
dential struggle, and beginning to wax rather warm in argument, which fact 
caused them to be oblivious of all outside circumstances ; Gannon especially 
emphasizing his remarks by sundry taps upon the table, causing the wood to 
ring. At every such instance Brewster would turn abruptly and stare fixedly 
at him, as if to say, “ What stwange kind of animal is he anyway— deuce 
take it !” 

The third party present, Donald Merrick, was a stanch personal friend of 
mine host, although of opposite opinions as to the political question. A gentle- 
man every inch of him, and a man of fine appearance, florid complexion, and 
about fifty years of age, his dress and manners bespoke the man of the world of 
cultured taste and liberal ideas. 

From boyhood he had been actively engaged in an extensive commission 
business. 

^ Merrick was seated in close proximity to the other speakers employed (or so 


A COMIC JOURKEY TO WASHINGTOil. 


9 


one would infer) in reading the Rockland Co. Gazette ; but if such were the case, he 
found the discussion of the political situation much more to his fancy, as he laid 
the paper aside and leaned forward in his chair nearer to mine host, seemingl}^ 
growing more earnest in attention as the conversation continued. 

Last, but not by any means least (as he is to be the hero of my story), sits the 
fourth personage, the genial Lispenard, listening attentively to Gannon, now 
and then stopping him by a sudden gesture or exclamation to “ lay down the 
law” where a weak point in his friend’s train of reasoning seemed to require it, 
and (as his friends can testify) pushing any such advantage in argument for ‘‘ all 
it was worth.” 

Now as to his description, imagine a well-built country gentleman of medium 
height, having fine eyes of a brownish hazel, closely trimmed brown hair, and 
whiskers cut English fashion, a complexion rather dark, and showing the perfect 
health of the man, features clearly defined and betoliening the principal trait in 
his character — determination to succeed in any enterprise, however difficult, if 
only by sheer force of will-power. 

Add to the above portraiture a 'bonhomie of manner, which, especially among 
strangers, always proved irresistible, because entirely unaffected. Besides this 
his disposition, being naturally jolly, impelled him at times to enter in any 
scheme where there was a humorous side to it. 

In short, then, a jolly, yet withal courteous and affable host, still a young- 
looking man as to age, combine the above characteristics with an easy-going, 
thoroughly hospitable good fellow, and you may have a correct idea of the hero 
of my story, whose well-stocked farm and fruit-trees had long been the pride of 
the owner and the talk of the town. 

The political discussion between the Yankee farmer Gannon and mine host 
had assumed a very warm color, as 1 have before intimated, Gannon being, as it 
happened, of exactly opposite opinions to my friend Lispenard, or an out-and- 
out Cleveland man, while he was an ardent supporter of Benjamin Harrison. 

Suddenly Lispenard’s voice rose high as he exclaimed, “ Oh, certainly, Harri- 
son has been censured, and very sharply, too, for actions he never performed ; 
and even your humble servant,” he added slyly, “ has been credited with getting- 
up dinners 1 never even attended and for after-dinner speeches I never made.” 

“ Yet hear the stories that are current about your candidate, as, for instance, 
they say that while Governor at Albany he pardoned — ” 

“ Thet will do,” exclaimed Gannon, suddenly rising and thumping his 
clenched hand on the table. “ You may be a Mugwump or I may be a consoli- 
dated Democrat, but I’ll be golderned ef I take water on Grover Cleveland, ef 
the whole house falls, by the ’tarnal jiggers I” 

Then the conversation drifted toward chances of party success. 

“ Wal, Lispenard,” resumed Gannon, ‘Mo get down to business, as you 
know it’s mighty near, all-fired near to the election time, put up or shet up. 
Now I’m bettin’ you a box o’ cigars, an’ throw in my ole bay mule to match thet 
’ere sorrel, thet saddle-horse o’ yourn, thet Grover Cleveland is the next Presi- 
dent. By hokey, I’ve sed it.” 

“ Good boy I Now that’s what I call vewy libewal, you know — vewy ; ’tis, 
’pon honah I” echoed Brewster from his corner, in his anxiety to hear the full 
bet stepping upon Fannie’s tail, who gave a disgusted howl and skipped actively 
out of the way. 


10 


A COMIC JOURi5EY TO WASHINGTON. 


Sho !” he exclaimed. ‘‘ Drat that dog. ITl kill him yet !” then he quieted 
down^ 

Up to this time Merrick had been merely a rather eager listener to the fore- 
going conversation. 

He now turned toward Gannon and remarked : 

“ Why don’t you put down the money, my friend — money talks. Cigars and 
horses are first-rate, too, in their place — the cigar for an after-dinner smoke, and 
a real good horse for exercise and a pleasant drive ; still, money, after all, is the 
test of a man’s adhesion to party principle. Now, my good fellow, ‘ How much 
Shuneaw,* see Injun dance ? 

Ambrose Gannon here replied rather hotly, “ Goldern it, my bet is all right, 
so let it stand jest as it wus, for it raaly means money.” 

Merrick now seemed inclined to be reflective, and remained silent for quite a 
moment, and then Lispenard’s voice was heard again : 

“ Well, gentlemen, I am willing to put up money on this election. How 
would it do to make the bet one thousand dollars, and give the loser, whoever 
he may be, a chance to redeem it ?” 

Brewster, who had been listening to the foregoing conversation, here struck 
his hands together, crying, ” Bwavo I Capital !” (no doubt imagining himself 
at some occasional opera), and stepping suddenly backward (though without 
malice aforethought), landed, none too gently, on a long-nurtured and painfully 
sensitive corn of the agriculturist Gannon, galvanizing that rather staid person- 
age into sudden and “ very startling action.” 

Springing to his feet, he shouted and danced wildly around poor Brewster, 
yelling in turn, “ Whoa ! Gewhilliky ! Great horn-splitting goat ! Goldern 
3"our carcass, anyway, Tom Brewster, you are N. G.” 

Our city guest bowed most abjectly and then subsided. 

After the company had straightened their faces somewhat, Merrick answered 
the question of mine host. 

“ All right. I’m sure I shall not object to any arrangement which is made 
in good faith. What is your opinion in the matter, gentlemen ?” turning toward 
the other guests. 

Here Brewster broke in : ' ‘ Capitwal idea — aw — weally. Eh, Gannon, old 
fel?” at the same time looking at the agriculturist in a manner which plainly 
said, “ Now do please suggest something.” 

But the “ old fel” had been nursing his injured pedal extremity for some 
time, and accordingly scowled upon poor Brewster with such intense malignity, 
that he at once retreated and stood decidedly aloof. 

“Good idea,” said Gannon, “fust-rate. Wal now, how’d it do fur the 
winner to make the loser wheel a bar’l of eggs from down to York clar to Wash- 
ingtown, an’ ef he breaks any ’fore he ’rives thar, why then he is obleeged to fork 
over the money.” 

They all laughed at this novel idea. 

Donald Merrick here suggested that the loser might redeem the wager, as the 
Irishman fulfilled his penance, by filling his boots with peas, and journeying on 
foot to his destination (Washington). 

“ Derned good idea,” struck in Gannon, “ tho’ s’posin’, like that same air 
feller, he biled his peas ? Eh, what then ?” 


* Money. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


11 


A hearty laugh from all followed his remarks. 

Lispenard now spoke again. “ Merrick, I will tell you. AYhat say you to 
this proposition, only mind you, there must be no shirking on the part of the 
loser to carry out the contract ?” 

“ Well,” queried Merrick, “ what is it that requires so much obligation ?” 

“ I’ll tell you,” said Lispenard. ” What say you to this ? If you lose, you 
hereby agree to carry a live rooster from New York to Washington, or better 
still, a live pig and rooster. To start from New Y^ork on a given day and arrive 
at Washington in time for the inaugural ceremonies ; or if I lose I shall expect to 
do the same.” 

For a moment all the guests were silent, then, as by a common impulse, they 
all spoke at once. 

” A live pig and rooster ?” 

Merrick turned, looked at the rest of the company and smiled, shook his head, 
and said : 

” I say, Lispenard, why don’t you make it a live horse and cow ? Now quit 
fooling, get down to business, and talk of some possible scheme.” 

“ Exactly,” rejoined mine host. ” The plan I have suggested is possible, 
and any man of pluck ought to be able to carry it out, and if you win, I shall 
not go back of the agreement — no, sir, I shall cheerfully walk from New York 
to Washington, and carry a live pig and rooster as part of the contract.” 

” Are you in sober earnest ?” exclaimed Merrick. 

“ Certainly,” continued mine host, “ so earnest, that if you call the contract 
‘ a go,’ I shall expect as a winner, which of course I shall be, to make you keep 
it to the letter.” 

“Now,” said Merrick, “suppose, for instance, Cleveland should be elected,, 
and as a result I win this bet. when of course you would be the great pig and 
rooster champion, what guarantee do I have that you will walk at all, or that 
you will not be sitting on the veranda of some country hotel smoking a Henry 
Clay cigar, with your heels tipped up on the railing ? Oh, no, my friend, come off !” 

Lispenard here grew very much in earnest, and replied : 

“lam not gassing or talking idly, my dear fellow, for if I have to fulfil the 
terms, I am willing to pay the expenses of a party to go along with me and see 
that I actually walk every step of the way ; only, as I have previously remarked, 
should I win, you will be expected to do the same. I think either you or I 
will require thirty days to reach Washington, so I should suggest starting on 
or about February 1st from some prominent point in New York City — say 
Madison Square Park ; the walker will thus be enabled to complete his journey 
and arrive in Washington on March 4th, 1892, in time for the inaugural.” 

“Well,” said Merrick, grasping his hand, and looking at the others, who, 
taking in the situation had crowded around, “ gentlemen, this is a bet, and if 
I am the loser, I shall keep my agreement and walk to Washington like a soldier ; 
however, should I win, I then expect Lispenard to do the same.” 

“ That’s quite right,” answered mine host good-humoredly. 

Brewster, who had been standing close behind Ambrose Gannon, broke in 
again : 

“ ’Pon honah, Lispenard, you know that is a vewy stwange wagaw, for aw 
— any man of sense to entertain, but then I weally supwose it can be done. 
Twuly a live pig and wooster ? Now, I’d dwuther carwy a live poll parwot.” 


12 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Donald Merrick here approached his nephew and slapped him on the shoulder 
with a heartiness that was rather painful. 

I say now, uncle,’’ exclaimed poor Brewster, recollect, if you please, that 
my shoulder is aw — sensible, you know.” 

Merrick looked at mine host and said {sotto wee), “ That’s more than his head 
ever was.” 

Then to Brewster : 

“ Excuse me, Tom, but I was thinking supposing that either of us takes a 
walk to Washington, how would you like to go along ? Your expenses paid 
there and back, of course.” 

Tom Brewster looked steadily at his uncle a moment, reflected, yawned, 
dropped into a convenient chair near him, and then answered : 

“ Aw — well, I don’t aw — weally know what to think. I don’t indeed. I 
might be tempted to twy it, pwoviding there were plenty of chances to see the 
aw — pwetty girls, and I aw — imagine it will be nothing vewy difficult, merely 
to watch the aw — walker to see that he keeps his word, and aw— actually walks 
evewy step of the way.” 

Merrick now faced Lispenard and exclaimed : 

“ Well, Rockland Co.,* here’s the man for our money, and whether you or I 
take the trip to Washington, my nephew, Tom Brewster, is ready to fall in.” 

That’s satisfactory,” returned he; still I imagine Tom will find it come 
rather tough on the start. Merrick, don’t you ? Will it agree with him ?” 

Brewster unexpectedly answered for himself : 

“ Pwerfectly well, my deahfwiends. Iron constitution, aw — pwerfect steam- 
engine.” 

And in order to emphasize this boast, Brewster threw himself backward and 
smote his chest heavily, very nearly losing his equilibrium in so doing. 

Merrick now arose and spoke as follows : 

“ Gentlemen, this wager is now assuming a definite shape.” 

Here he took out a small check-book from an inner coat-pocket, and going to 
the table for pen and ink, wrote on the face of one of the blanks in it for a 
moment ; he then detached the check from it, and exclaimed : 

“ Here is my check for one thousand dollars. Who will be stakeholder ? 
Come, Ambrose, won’t you accept that position ?” 

Gannon replied instantly, and very emphatically, in his usual backwoods 
manner : 

“ Goldern my buttons ef I don’t, fer fun anyway. I b’leeve I understand 
the bet. The man who wins the wager makes the man who loses the wager 
journey from New York clar to Washingtown, carryin’ two animiles, a live pig 
an’ rooster, or else lose his pile. Yes, sir-ee. I’ll hold the stakes sure fire !” 

All right,” said Merrick, “ there’s my money. Come, Lispenard, put up,” 
at the same time handing his check to Gannon. 

But Rockland Co. had already prepared his check, and now passed it smiling. 

‘‘ Thet’s the squar thing,” said Gannon. 

** Now, gentlemen,” Merrick continued, “ since all is finally settled, what do 
you say to breaking up now and meeting at this place two weeks after election, 
say, Monday afternoon ?” There was a universal assent, and then, with three 
rousing cheers for the hero who proposed this novel wager, the company 
separated. 


* See note under Preface. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


13 


CHAPTER IL 

THE BET LOST. 

My chapter opens in the same pleasant rooms in Rockland Co/s house where 
we first met him, and surrounded now, as then, by the same genial companions. 

A November day when pleasant is to be enjoyed, as much of that month has 
a very, wintry character, and as it happened, this particular day in November — 
namely, the second Monday after election — was an exceedingly pleasant one. 

Our friends had been eagerly discussing the election returns, and Grover 
Cleveland had been unanimously declared President, and Merrick the winner of 
the bet, making it incumbent on Rockland Co. to pay the wager of one thousand 
dollars or redeem it. 

“ Well, gentlemen, ’’ began mine host, ‘‘ I admit Cleveland is ejected, the bet 
lost, and the money in the hands of Ambrose Gannon is forfeited to my friend, 
Donald Merrick, provided that I do not keep the conditions of the wager. You 
understand, Ambrose, that you are not to deliver up this money to Merrick un- 
less I neglect to carry out my part of the agreement. 

“ Gosh, why of course !” returned Gannon. “ I’ll hold on to both these ’ere 
piles o’ money, or checks, good as money, until—” 

Certainly,” added Merrick, “you are correct, friend Gannon, as you were 
saying, until—” 

“ Yes,” continued Gannon, “ until this ’ere pig and rooster fancier has trav- 
elled on foot with this ’ere rooster of his an’ exhibited the pig and rooster to the 
President.” 

“ I say, Lispenard,” remarked Brewster at this juncture, with just a touch 
of anxiety, “ what kind of a pig will you carwy — a — aw — small one ?” 

“ Well, you can bet your solid dollars,” he answered, “ that I shall not carry 
a big pig if I know myself ; the smaller the better. My rooster, of course, is 
something of a diiferent nature, and I am taking along a good-sized Shanghai.” 

“ I suppose,” Merrick observed, with a laugh, “ he will be one of those great 
big ‘ crowers,’ similar to the kind Mr. Burnham tells about in the ‘ Hen Fever ’ ?” 

“ Never mind, gentlemen,” answered mine host ; “I have both the pig and 
rooster right here on my premises — in fact, they are in my barn -yard, so I shall 
have no trouble on that score.” 

“Hold on, Rockland Co.,” Merrick resumed; “ your two pets are all right, 
but what about your expenses to Washington ; that will be a puzzler ; remember 
there will be my nephew also.” 

“ Travelling expenses ?” resumed Lispenard. “ Oh, I expect to come out 
ahead as far as they are concerned. First, I intend to get up, say, several thou- 
sand photographs of myself, including my two curios, to take with me, and 
which I shall sell at a profit. Our meals, most of them will cost but little, as we 
would be apt to ‘ draw trade ’ more or less at most public-houses.” 

“ Y^ou are pretty sanguine,” said Merrick. 

“I am,” continued Lispenard, “and when the appointed time arrives we 
will march oif with flying colors, drums beating, and all that sort of thing. 
Don’t you wish you had lost ?” 


14 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


No,” rejoined Merrick laconically ; “ and although you may get along all 
right in your great journey to Washington, I am under the impression that 
before you reach your destination you may be rather sorry you undertook it.” 

“All right,” answered Lispenard confidently; “just wait awhile, my dear 
boy, and you will see what an ovation 111 get at Haverstraw, before we start 
for the city. The boys up there all swear by Rockland Co., as they style me, 
and they will give me a big ‘ send off.’ ” 

After further conversation the friends separated. 


CHAPTER III. 

ROCKLAND CO. PREPARES FOR THE START. « 

• 

Time passed, weeks and months, during which our hero was not idle, but 
worked with energy to have everything in readiness for the journey. As he had 
previously remarked to his friends, there was no trouble in getting his “me- 
nagerie” together. 

The large size and weight of the rooster suggested the name of Jumbo, by 
which title he had been latterly known. He was also a first-class fighter. 

Now, as to the aforesaid pig, who naturally takes the next place in this nar- 
rative to the hero, Rockland Co. might often have been seen by passers-by gazing 
into its sky-blue eyes, while rapturously pressing it to his bosom ; and when thus 
engrossed, I will not say, as many writers have said before me, he stooped and 
imprinted a passionate kiss upon that smiling face, so frank, yet withal so 
child-like. 

However, I can state this far, that in after days, during the unprecedented 
campaign walk of our hero, many of the finest ladies in our land, especially 
young ladies (who appreciated sentiment even in a pig), repeatedly kissed and 
embraced it, declaring, “It was just too sweet for anything,” and so it was. 

Imagine if you can a young and confiding pig with a skin covered with pure 
white hair (I could say bristles, but will spare your feelings), sky-blue eyes, a 
lovely pink nose, and a mouth, that when its owner squealed (which was not 
infrequently, let it be said) disclosed a perfect set of beautifully even ivories. 

Add to this that my young favorite only weighed eleven pounds, and you 
have a fair description of the cause of all — the foregoing peroration. 

An especial lady friend of its owner and a great Cleveland admirer declared 
no name but Romeo Cleveland would suit the little curio ; so the owner grace- 
fully bestowed that cognomen upon it. 

There ! Now I have put my foot in it. 

Let the cat out of the bag. 

Why ? 

For the simple reason that I meant to conceal for a time the gender of the 
young traveller. 

Pardon this slight digression in my tale (or rather the pig’s), it is now too 
late. 

Was this the reason why the ladies adored it ? 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


15 


Romeo, for short, we will henceforth style him, and a Romeover he remained. 

The lady who selected the above name, resolving not to he backward in back^ 
ing up her favorite, decided nothing would look as pretty or be quite so warm 
and comfortable for the winter as a well-lined silk blanket for Romeo. Accord- 
ingly she worked with unceasing patience until it was completed, the name 
Romeo Cleveland being embroidered in large letters on the outside, the colors 
alternating — red, white, and blue. His ears were pierced, and rosettes of the 
national colors were inserted. Another admirer of Rockland Co. made a neat 
wooden crate for Romeo, painted in similar colors, also a basket of wicker-work 
for Jumbo. 

Romeo Cleveland was therefore an intensely national pig— an American from 
the word go. 

The rooster was really a handsome bird, who had been trained to come at his 
master’s call, sit on his shoulder and eat from his hand with dignity and grace, 
while Romeo would stand on his hind feet, awaiting the candy which he well 
knew would reward his fortitude in this feat of endurance. 

It was on such an occasion that Tom Brewster, accompanied by his Uncle 
Merrick, dropped in, as they or Gannon had been doing every few days to ascer- 
tain how matters were progressing. 

Brewster got as far as the door, and then held up both hands and shouted : 

‘‘ Uncle, for Heaven’s sake, stop ! The menagerwie is exhibiting, and we can 
go in on a fwee pass. Don’t as much as whisper, or you’ll give us away.” 

“Why, Tom,” said Merrick somewhat irritably, “what are you gassing 
about ?” 

“ Why look, that’s what. Get behind me, or you’ll scare the vewy life out 
of ’em.” 

Brewster meanwhile was edging slowly in the door, gazing at the scene 
within admiringly. 

“ Hallo out there, fellers !” said Rockland Co. humorously. “ Come in. 
How are you, Merrick ? Ah there, Tom ! Sit down, sit down.” 

Lispenard, after shaking hands effusively in his usual offhand way, continued 
the exhibition which had been interrupted by the two visitors. 

Romeo and Jumbo were put through their various tricks, all of which were 
declared tiptop by Merrick, and “ aw — extwemely peculiah” by Brewster. 
Then the pig was once more returned to his crate and the rooster to his perch in 
the coop outside. 

As Rockland Co. was just in the act of stowing Jumbo carefully away, 
Ambrose Gannon happened in, making the original party complete. He stood 
for a moment after greeting them all, surveying both pets critically. Then 
seizing Lispenard by both hands, he shook them vigorously, exclaiming : 

“Yes, siree ! You’ve got the grit sure enough. That pig is a beauty — ain’t 
he ? And he does look fine. Eh ? Raal American he is ! Let the American 
eagle git up and shake his wings and holler ! Then Jumbo is a dandy, a sort of 
bird that can holler, too, though in a little different style. Wal, all I can say is, 

‘ Hooray for both ! ’ Wal, Rockland Co.,” said Gannon reflectively, “ I raaly 
wish you all kinds of luck and success on your journey, for the pig is a cunnin’ 
little critter, an’ Jumbo is a corker ; but — takin’ the two down to Washingtown, 
excuse me. However, you are mighty oncommon plucky, and, by Jingo ! you 
desarve to win. You’d oughter give those newspaper fellers a chance at you.” . 


16 


A COMIC JOURKEY TO WASHINGTON. 


'' Certainly/’ replied Lispenard, that is what I am about to do. I go to the 
city to-morrow and make some arrangement with an illustrated paper.” 

Thet’s the way to fix it,” cried Gannon. 

'' It is now the 17th of January,” continued Lispenard, ‘‘and I want to go 
to Haverstraw, say, the 31st for my final send-off. Now, boys, what say j^-ou to 
meeting me at the United States Hotel on that day between ten and two ?” 

There was a general assent, and then the meeting adj ourned. 


CHAPTER IV. 

PKELIMINARY. 

As Rockland Co. promised Gannon, he went to New York and made arrange- 
ments with one of the leading illustrated papers, which raised the pulse of 
public expectancy to fever heat. 

Meanwhile our hero returned to Spring Valley for his pets, and thence to 
Haverstraw ; on the way he stopped at a photographer’s, and in a short time was 
in possession of that photograph which has since become celebrated, and has 
probably had as wide a circulation as that of any noted public character, actor, 
base-ball player, or other personage. An order was left for several thousand of 
these cards to be forwarded when required. A copy of the original photograph 
is given on the frontispiece. 

On the back of each was printed the cause of the wager, the terms of the 
agreement, and the manner of fulfilment. 

The 31st of January dawned bright and clear, and found Rockland Co. on 
deck, and ready for the send off he was to receive from the boys at Haverstraw. 

A neatly trimmed wagon and speedy hoi-se was soon in readiness, after which, 
surrounded by a lot of congenial friends, he was rapidly driven from Spring 
Valley to Haverstraw. 

Drawing up in front of the proposed rendezvous, the United States Hotel, 
the party alighted and escorted Rockland Co. within. 

Here another party of friends, headed by the genial proprietor, met the hero 
of the hour, and the two forces combining hurried him into the reception-room, 
where an exceedingly toothsome cold collation was served. 

Toasts were exchanged and champagne fiowed (albeit somewhat freely), 
although our champion stuck to his doctrine, that cold water from the spring is 
one of the best and purest powers for human activity, and so returned the toasts 
in that element. 

Time had passed so swiftly in the trip to Haverstraw that it was already ten 
o’clock at the commencement of the festivities, and that hour ushered in our 
three friends, Merrick, Gannon, and Brewster. 

They sought and found their companion in the midst of the fun. Great were 
the congratulations from the trio, and special toasts in his honor were given. 

“ Goldern my buttons !” exclaimed Gannon, “ ef this ’ere feast don’t knock 
out all the big feeds I ever tackled. I swan !” he continued, as he held up a 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


17 


huge piece of cold, boned turkey, “ this ’ere bird hadn’t any bones in, I reckon. 
Built that way, I s’pose, but it’s all-fired good anyway.” 

Merrick, who was sitting next to Lispenard, remarked to him in an under- 
tone, ” Say, my dear fellow, if you are going to get an equally good ovation at 
each point you stop at, I really believe I wouldn’t mind changing places with 
you.” 

Rockland Co., who was deep in the mysteries of a grouse pie, nodded in return 
and winked knowingly. 

Regarding Tom Brewster, it was noticed that while his friends g’hve the 
various liquors a wide berth, especially champagne, merely drinking iced lemon- 
ade or other harmless beverages, the above-named gentleman pursued an entirely 
different course, dining and wincing with untiring avidity, remarking in a half- 
whisper to his uncle, “I cawn’t afford to go back on Heidsieck and Mumm’s 
Extwa Dwy — weally cawn’t. De — delicious ! Pwerfectly splendid !” 

Here Merrick gave his nephew a powerful nudge with his elbow, and whis- 
pered, ” Tom, for decency’s sake, remember where you are, and don’t make such 
a consummate fool of yourself.” 

We regret to say that this advice was not heeded, and as time passed Tom 
became slightly incoherent and his speech somewhat husky. By violent efforts 
on his uncle’s part he was kept within the bounds of decorum until the collation 
was about over, when he rose from his seat, and waving his cane, meanwhile 
assuming what was meant for a very beatific expression, began with, ” Let us 
now propose — ” 

At this juncture Merrick gently sat on his unfortunate nephew by saying, 
“ Tom, that wdll do,” and Tom sat down. 

The proprietor of the hotel here proposed three cheers for Rockland Co. and 
his two favorites, Romeo and Jumbo. They were given with a vim that shook 
the walls. Our pedestrian was now surrounded by his friends, and arm-in-arm 
with his three companions, Merrick, Gannon, and Brewster, marched in great 
style to the street. 

Here a genuine surprise awaited Rockland Co., being nothing less than Glass- 
ing ’s fine brass band, which was to act as an escort to the West Shore Railroad 
Depot. The programme which had been arranged by his friends was to march 
in a body to the depot, headed by the band, and to have the horse and wagon, 
which had been already used, follow them. After the depot was reached the 
band was to be dismissed and the whole party driven back to Spring Valley. 

The band made the echoes melodious with such familiar and inspiring airs as 
“ Climbing up the Golden Stairs,” “ Cheer up, Maggie Reilly,” and last, yet 
best of all, ” Yankee Doodle,” which took the cake, or, to speak more freely, 
” captured the bakery,” as far as the crowd of onlookers were concerned, for 
they cheered vociferously, our hero and his three friends marching in front of 
the main body being the observed of all observers. 

The whole party, followed by a tremendous crowd of friends and sightseers, 
marched slowly to the West Shore Depot. 

The entire route was a constant ovation. The sidewalks were packed with 
people, drawn in part by the music, but more especially by the well-known 
Rockland Co. and the news of his wonderful wager, coupled with a desire to see 
him and his two pets. 

Meanwhile, the horse and wagon, which should have followed after, had been 


18 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


left in the care of a friend with those instructions ; but unfortunately for our 
hero the above friend had gone to see some other friend, probably a lady friend. 
Some unknown persons had noticed this fact, and began skylarking, crowding 
into the wagon and driving back and forth. They finally broke one of the 
wheels, and then, after turning the horse and hitching him up to the wagon, 
‘‘ like der licldle black boney mit his head vere his tail ought to be,’’ they went 
laughing down the street. 

Imagine, if you can, the intense chagrin of our favorite when, after his 
friends had dismissed the band amid great enthusiasm and flow of spirits, a small 
boy rushed through the crowd in an exhausted state — in fact, being nearly too 
exhausted for utterance, and allowed this revelation to dawn upon their minds. 

His friends searched high and low, but not a wagon or vehicle of any kind 
could be found, so back to the rendezvous Rockland Co. and his backers walked. 

His reappearance and return to Haverstraw on foot was a source of great 
surprise and amusement, especially to the class who doubt the ability of the 
average mortal to overcome apparent difficulties in an}^ enterprise. Many of 
these had witnessed his stirring departure, and were yet talking over the coming 
event. 

“ Told you so !” cried one of a group. “ Backed out !” 

“ Thought ’twas a pretty strong wager to carry through, but I wasn’t saying 
a word,” remarked another. 

“ Oh, give your scheme up, Rockland Co.; might as well, you know, and 
pay the thousand dollars in cash ; it’s an absurd idea anyway.” Here the 
speaker lolled over from a corner saloon (Rockland Co. having heard all his 
remarks) and stood staring at him like an ignoramus. 

Rockland Co. had stopped, and was facing the group, seemingly perfectly 
good-natured, when another lounger addressed the previous speaker : 

“ Say, I’d like to see him carry it through.” 

“ And I,” “ And I,” “ And I,” came from the group which were assembled. 

“ Yes, gentlemen,” returned the pig and rooster champion calmly. Then 
without any fuss or feathers — even the ruffling of Jumbo’s feathers — he explained 
the real cause of his return in that style and guaranteed his promise. 

After taking a look at the wagon he went for a wheelwright, who would 
right the case, and put on a right-hand wheel, which now was left entirely as 
far as utility was concerned. After much trouble a party was finally found who 
supplied a new wheel, and the wagon was again in order. 

Rockland Co. here publicly stated that he should start for New York on the 
ensuing iMonday, per the New Jersey Central Railroad, accompanied by Tom 
Brewster as a witness. 

After making arrangements to include his two friends. Merrick and Gannon, 
who w'ould accompany them to Larry Kerr’s Putnam House on Fourth Avenue, 
near the Madison Square Park, Rockland Co. rode back to Spring Valley amid 
his companions, tumultuous applause following him. 

So his house was gained. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


19 


CHAPTER Y. 

FINAL START. 

Monday morning, February 2d, 1892, was ushered in with a clear, blue sky 
and cold, bracing air ; it found our hero quite ready for the final start. 

His neighbors from far and near crowded around the house and made the air 
resound with cheers and various other expressions of their interest in the plucky 
walker. 

Bang ! bang ! bang ! went the fowling-piece of his next-door neighbor, and 
bang ! seven times repeated, answered the navy revolver of another friend in the 
crowd. 

So amid applause and salutes, at about 7.30 o’clock, Rockland Co. issued 
forth, looking as life-like as possible, and carrying in the crate and basket the 
two ob j ects of interest. 

The pig answered the noise outside by squealing loudly, while Jumbo made 
the air musical with a tremendous crow that made the nearest sightseer hold his 
breath. 

“ Golly,” said Gannon, “ that ’ere rooster has a most remarkable voice ; sorter 
knocks a man when he fust hears it though, like a steam-whistle. Derned ef it 
don’t !” 

Forming line with his three friends, and followed by a crowd of lookers-on 
and, neighbors, Rockland Co. marched to the depot to take the eight o’clock train 
for the city. 

!:The whole village seemed alive with people ; the sidewalks were lined with 
them, and the train was crowded with the solid business men of the place, as 
well as our champion’s numerous admirers, all being anxious to see him. 

Midst a general salvo of small arms and “ three cheers for Rockland Co. and 
his pig and rooster,” the train moved slowly out of the depot. 

At each stopping-place large crowds of people gathered in groups as the train 
drew up, anxious to see the travellers. 

Rockland Co. good-humoredly held his two pets up to the windows when 
time did not allow a closer inspection. 

Brewster was not idle meanwhile, for as his trip began on the arrival at New 
York City, his satchel was well stocked with photographs, and he was kept busy 
passing them out at twenty-five cents each, occasionally pausing to wipe his 
brows, and varying that employment by such cheerful exclamations as, “ Yes, 
mam, dwedful warm. Pwice ? Why — that is vewy weasonable, only twenty- 
five cents.” And, again, “ Certainly, mister, as many as you please;” and to 
another, “ Yes, indeed, vewy lifelike pictwer of the gweat walker. Half a 
dozen ? all wight. Yes, guarwantee they are genuine.” Then to Lispenard, 
” I say, these quarters are ah — deucedly heavy — aw — ought to have a twunk ; 
’pon honah, I ought, weally.” 

“ Oh, never fret yourself about that, Tom,” returned Rockland Co. smiling. 
“ Why, you don’t expect me to carry away all the honors, including your hand- 
satchel, do you ? You’ll find those quarters will come in nice and handy to pay 
expenses, or rather incidentals, that occur on such a journey.” 

By the time the city was reached a large number of photos had been disposed 


20 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


of, and taking the ferry to Twenty-third Street, the party were landed safely in 
New York. 

Here they took a hack, and were driven rapidly to the hotel. 

A fine table was spread awaiting their arrival ; it was covered with all the 
delicacies of the season, and our hero was entertained by Mr. Kerr in fine style, 
and in return responded in a neat speech. 

Merrick and Gannon expressed their views on the situation, both being sur- 
prised and delighted at Lispenard’s reception. He promised them while con- 
versing to correspond with them, and they arranged to meet him on his arrival 
at the Capitol on March 4th. 

Gannon exclaimed, “ Say, we’ll cum in as sorter sharers in the gineral rejoic- 
ing. Wal, I jest like that fust-rate !” 

And Brewster chipped in his usual hon mot {mal de mot is more apropos), 
‘‘ Dweuced fine ideah ! Then — aw^you can see the two conquering heroes ’stead 
of only one. Gweat opportunity that !” 

After considerable more talk in the same strain the friends escorted our trav- 
eller to Madison Square Park ; here the sidewalks were lined with people and 
every inch of room in the park monopolized, waiting for the arrival of the great 
walker ; and on his appearance, carrying the noted pets, a ringing cheer went up, 
and then another and then another, followed by a tremendous yell of “ Tiger for 
Rockland Co. and his pig and rooster !” 

As soon as Brewster displayed the photographs, there was a great demand for 
them, and Tom was pulled hither and thither by a good-natured crowd anxious 
to secure one. “I say,” he cried, as a very portly gentleman tugged atone 
elbow to attract his attention, “ don’t tear a fellow all to pieces ! These clothes 
cost money. Dwedful ! Pway, have patience and to another, “Yes, sir, vewy 
weasonable ; ought to cost a dollar each, but— aw— will call it twenty-five cents 
to you.” 

Our pedestrian and his illustrious pig Romeo and the gentle Jumbo were 
attracting universal attention, and for a long time it was utterly impossible to 
make any attempt to be heard . 

People rushed frantically up to him and shook hands violently, with many 
good wishes, only to be dashed aside by some other party, who went through the 
same performance. 

Merrick was heard to say to Gannon, “ Well, Gannon, what do you think of 
this ?” and Gannon replied, “ Dern my buttons ef I ever saw such a buzzing old 
time in all my life.” 

After the crowd was quieted down somewhat our champion mounted a barrel, 
and in a few well-chosen words told them the purpose of his journey and the 
cause which led to it, and his determination to be in Washington at the inaugural. 
Cheer after cheer followed his speech. 

Tom Brewster saw at this juncture the opportunity of a lifetime, and after 
Lispenard descended from his platform sprang awkwardly upon the barrel. 
Waving his hands, etc., he began with “ Gentlemen and ladies” — here the barrel 
suddenly collapsed amid a cloud of dust, and Tom shot downward with the force 
of an inverted ten-pound rocket, while from the ruins arose an outcry somewhat 
like, “ Dem scoundwelly barwel !” He finally extricated himself, turned as red 
in the face as a turkey-cock, and adding, “ Aw — vewy dwedful ; please excuse 
me,” rejoined his partner. 


A COMIC JOURKEY TO WASHH^GTOH. 


21 


Hearty laughter greeted Tom after this little episode, and then three ringing 
cheers for the previous speech by Rockland Co., and in the midst of the excite- 
ment our hero bade his three friends a cordial farewell, and waving his hat to 
the crowd, picked up his traps and started for Jersey City. 

At the ferry there was quite a throng anxiously awaiting the arrival of the 
pig and rooster pedestrian, and as he approached he was the centre of attraction. 
Many persons declared, after closely inspecting the party, that he was plucky, 
and would save the amount wagered. Here there was a lot of photographs 
sold. 

On arriving at Jersey City several reporters met our champion to get particu- 
lars, and soon a large crowd gathered, and Brewster’s quarters began to change 
to dollars very rapidly, as the pliotographs met with a ready sale. 

Leaving the main avenue, our friends struck across the city and walked rapidly 
onward. 



The spectacle of two men in the midst of an increasing mass of people, walk- 
ing slowly along, the most conspicuous one carrying a pig and rooster, attracted 
universal attention ; windows were opened, and feminine heads inspected the 
sight with genuine curiosity (natural to the matter) evinced in their faces. 

Men and women left their occupations and hurried out to interview the strange 
phenomenon. 

“I say, Moike,” exclaimed a laborer, who was passing with a companion, 
pick on shoulder, for an excavation up the street, ‘‘ phat koind uv a mon do yez 
call thot onyway ?” 

“ Divil fly away wid me if I know, Patrick,” answered his companion. Av 
he’s a farmer, he’s moighty perpindicular” (Mike probably meant particular) 
“ wfld his pig an’ his poulthry.” 

“ Arrah, thin,” spoke up Patrick, “ ’tis no farmer he is, for look at the foine 
clothes on him, an’ the young dude carryin’ his satchel. I take it he’s some rich 
ginthelman takin’ his ase wid his friend, and p’raps has a conthract to shupply 
the counthry wid pigs and poulthry.” 

“ Go way, you fool,” said Mike ; “ whoiver wad buy roosthers whin chickens 
could be bought for the same price ?” 


22 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Besides being a railroad centre, Jersey City is famous for its well-dressed and 
fashionable maidens, and almost every one that passed our two friends gazed 
admiringly at Rockland Co., and some of the very young and possibly unsophis- 
ticated damsels glanced in a tender way upon Brewster. 

Poor Tom returned their glances all too ardently, and whenever they ap- 
proached to inspect Romeo Cleveland or Jumbo, or to purchase photographs, 
used his powers of fascination to their full extent. 

“ I wish you were going my way,'' exclaimed one of these airy-fairy charmers 
to Tom. “ It is a delightful walk around our house, besides pah just had the 
parths nicely gravelled, and he would be just too awfully glad to have you call. 
Pah is so fond of city folks. Ah !" (here she sighed) “ and would so love to see 
that cunning pig and that pretty rooster." 

“ Weally, miss," answered poor 'Tom, “ I should like to come above all 
things, but, you see, I am under sort of a promise to stay with this gentleman 
for the pwesent, and so — aw — wouldn't like to leave him ; aw — weally wouldn’t 
— wivout his permission." 

Here Rockland Co. spoke up. “ Yes, miss, it is really very good of you to 
take such an interest in our welfare, and although being forced to decline your 
kind invitation, we thank you very much. However, Tom has a picture of 
myself and also my pig and rooster as we generally appear, which may answer 
for the present time." 

A photo was duly purchased ; after viewing it critically, the fair one took 
her leave. 

Occasionally when a subdued yet affecting squeal from Romeo showed that 
he required attention, a small lump of sugar was passed to him, and thus the 
young porker’s temper was kept in good condition. 

Of course at regular intervals the pets were duly fed, and in addition man- 
aged to forage for themselves when at liberty, securing whatever tidbits chanced 
to please their fancy. Later on it will be noticed that this propensity nearly got 
Rockland Co. into a very pretty mess ; but more of this anon. 

At Ruemple’s Hotel, Jersey City Heights, the travellers halted for the night 
at about five o’clock p.m., Brewster declaring “he was nevah so — aw — wegu- 
larly played out befoah in his life. Honestly," he said to Lispenard, in a con- 
fidential whisper, “ I feel, aw — as if one of those steam stweet-pavers or wollers 
had just wolled over me fwom head to foot, and bwoken me all up. Actuwally, 
I am quite pwostwated." 

“ Oh, you will get used to all that,” our hero responded. 

“ Don’t know," replied Tom dolefully. “ My arms seem out of joint, pwer- 
fectly so. Gwacious ! I’m glad my constitution is — aw — so powerful." 

Our champion and Brewster were met by Mr. Eaton, President of the Jersey 
City Heights Gun Club, and were treated to a fine supper, when toasts and 
speeches were the order of the evening ; finally rooms were assigned them, and 
they retired in fine spirits, Brewster saying “he’d had a splendwid time, you 
know ;" and thus ended the first day. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


23 


CHAPTER YI. 

ON THE WAY. 

The following morning found Rockland Co. in good trim and ready for the 
journey ahead. By steady walking Newark was reached about noon, the whole 
route being one continuous ovation. 

Stopping on the main avenue, surrounded by a lot of spectators, including 
many of the fair sex, Tom Brewster started a brisk trade in selling photographs, 
and they sold like hot cakes. 

Whenever the female portion in a crowd was any way extensive poor Tom 
always got along fairly, although at times the girls quizzed him sadly, as in this 
case ; still he got on quite well. 

“ Say, Johnnie, give us a lock of your hair to remember you by,” said one 
who had just purchased a photograph of Rockland Co., and who was trying to 
scrape an acquaintance with him by flirting with Brewster. 

” Don’t ask him,” said a friend of the speaker ; “it will make his best girl 
mad.” 

“ He hasn’t any girl — have you, Johnnie ?” continued speaker number one. 

“ No girl,” blurted out Tom very ruefully ; “ certwainly not, and no boy 
either ! P’waps you take me for a mawied man, but that’s a gweat mistwake. 
I*m not at all mawied. I’m single, entwirely so.” Here he drew himself up, 
ad j usted his eye-glass, and very innocently stared at his two questioners. 

Even Rockland Co. found it diflicult to keep from smiling, while as for the 
two speakers, the flrst one remarked to her companion, “ That is quite singular, 
too, Nellie ; for—” that was as far as they could get, for Nellie stuffed her hand- 
kerchief in her mouth, and when sure that they were out of earshot removed the 
handkerchief and also a good, hearty laugh, exclaiming, “ Jennie, you are just 
fearful.” Then they sauntered on. 

Proceeding on, Rockland Co. stopped at the Hotel Bristol, where everything 
passed off in good style, Brewster doing especial j ustice to the dinner a la carte, 
and excusing himself by saying “ he was as empty as a dwum, and had to eat 
about a cart load to stwand the pwessure.” 

Our travellers now pushed on for Elizabeth, entering that village about six 
o’clock P.M., and were met by a large gathering of people, who cheered heartily. 

After being viewed by the sightseers our champion reached the Sheridan 
House, where Mr. Staats, the pleasant proprietor, entertained the travellers, and 
the evening passed quickly away. 

Again proceeding. Hotel Iselin, at Rahway, was reached about noon, and the 
proprietor treated Rockland Co. and Brewster to the best the house afforded, and 
as the hotel was filled with visitors, who had been eagerly awaiting the arrival of 
the plucky pedestrian, Brewster sold plenty of photos. After doing justice to 
an elegant repast fit for any epicure, our friends adjourned, Brewster declaring 
“ he was pwerfectly satisfied, only widing might have been a twifle easier, you 
know.” 

Morning of the 5th both arose, took an early breakfast, and started for Metu- 
chen. Before arriving there a funny incident occurred, in which Romeo and 
Jumbo cut quite a figure, and ran some risk of capture also. 


24 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


It seems some New Jersey farmers had suffered severely from the depreda- 
tions of a notorious chicken-thief, and so daring had he become, that such thefts 
frequently occurred in broad daylight. Taking these facts in consideration, all 
strangers to the place were carefully scrutinized for any signs indicating feloni- 
ous abstraction, outwardly at least. So that when Rockland Co. hove in sight 
with his outfit, the outlying pickets saw in him not only a suspicious party, but 
one who might fairly be supposed to represent some one who had perhaps taken 
a fowl advantage of some unguarded chicken-coop, just touching the sty at the 
same time. Sallying from their posts, the foremost sentinel shouted : 

“ Halloo there ! Where are you a-goin’ to with that rooster V’ 

“ None of your business !” shouted our champion, starting forward at a rapid 
pace. 

“ Say, he’s got a pig, too !” called out another. “ S’pose we’ll miss ’em 
from our own hums arterwards. Looks like as though he be the chap. Ketch 
on to him, boys ; don’t let him git away !” 

In five minutes at least twenty of the principal farmers of the town, armed 
with pitchforks, flails, and various other implements of their craft, were in full 
blast on the trail, swearing, yelling, and hallooing themselves hoarse, our pedes- 
trian being about one hundred feet away. Knowing or suspecting the state of 
affairs, and not wishing to parley at close quarters, Rockland Co. took to his 
heels with Brewster, and being very active naturally distanced his pursuers. 

Getting at a safe distance from them, he applied his thumb to his nose, and 
waved a suggestive farewell, to Brewster’s great edification. 

Poor Brewster in this race had been entirely winded, and stood puffing and 
blowing like an asthmatic cart-horse. 

“ Demned infwernal scoundwels !” he exclaimed. “ What d — do they want ?” 

“ The earth, that’s all,” answered Lispenard, very good-naturedly. Soon 
after this Metuchen was reached, and the}" went through the usual routine. 

The next objective point was New Brunswick, and away they trudged for 
that place. Large groups of people were met on the way taking up bets, dis- 
cussing the outcome of the wager, and all stopped to see the pig and rooster, or 
buy photos of Tom as mementos. Stopping at the Whitehall Hotel, Mr. Rue, 
the proprietor, entertained them, and several hundred mill hands turned out to 
welcome them. Some of the girls had a good deal of fun by wrapping a white 
quilt around Romeo and passing him around among their beaux. Jumbo seemed 
to grow rather sulky, until he received a bit of sugar, after which all was tran- 
quil. 

Time passed in doing the town, answering questions concerning the wager, 
and having a pleasant time at tlie hotel. After supper both retired in good order 
and spirits. 

Rising early on the morning of the 6th, they breakfasted early. Taking the 
road about five o’clock, they stopped long enough to get sandwiches and milk 
at a farm-house, reaching Princeton about three p.m. 

News of their coming had preceded them, and the Princeton College students 
were out in full force in honor of the occasion. Rockland Co. was escorted by 
their Glee Club, while two of the students carried Romeo and Jumbo. Applause 
from all sides greeted our favorites as they escorted them to their rooms. Here 
the Glee Club treated them to some fine music, after which Rockland Co. was 
taken to the other colleges in the place, and was finely entertained in each. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


25 


He next went to the Nassau Hotel, where Mr. Cook tendered our hero and 
party a banquet ol* choice game, etc., and fed Romeo with fresh milk and 
crackers, while Jumbo had a nice mash of meal and sugar. 

Brewster meanwhile made himself at home with a very pretty mulatto, who 
sat opposite him, and was fast becoming on the road to a close friendship, when 
Lispenard whispered to him, after a nudge, asking if he knew she was a mulat. 

“What?” said Brewster, in a mezzotint voice, that could just be heard. 
“ I s’pwosed she was a lady of quality.” 

“ I tell you she is a mulat,” continued he. “ Quality ? Oh, yes. Baxter 
Avenue, New York, is lined with ’em. If this is not enough, all right.” 

“ Goodness gwacious !” whispered Tom, very much crestfallen. “ A mulat !” 
in a confidential whisper. “ Let’s take a stwoll awound somewhere.” They did 
so, and he left his inamorata. 

Meeting Mr. Cook, they had a short talk with him, and then adjourned to the 
billiard-room connected with the hotel. It was filled with the Princeton boys, 
and as soon as he appeared there were cries of “ Hurrah for the pig and rooster 
pedestrian !” “ Hurrah for Romeo and Jumbo !” “ Speech !” “ Speech !” 

Setting down his two invaluable pets on the* nearest table, where they were 
soon surrounded by the curious, our hero took in the situation, and thinking it 
a good point in his favor, also mounted the table. Stepping toward the front, 
he bowed affably to the audience and began : 

“ Brother citizens and fellow-stugents, I am here, not as Gilpin said in rhyme, 

‘ Because my horse would come.’ {Laughter,') No, I haven’t any horse. I am 
here on this occasion to deliver a short oration on the political situation, as well 
as my own, which just at this moment” (glancing around) “ is very stable. Re- 
garding the aforesaid political situation, perhaps there may be matters that tickle 
Polly quite as much as that ; if not, why not ?” {Cheers and cries of “ Go on.’') 

“ Although not accustomed to public speaking, I think it better to say what 
I think in the hearing of others than think what I now say in private.” {Cries 
Yes” and “ Goon.”) 

“ As you don’t know, or, in fact, can’t very well know, I never pin my faith 
to any especial creed, except that I made up my mind to vote for Harrison, did 
so, and now” (pointing to Romeo and Jumbo) “ look at the result ; behold the 
consequences. I am beginning to doubt the stability of both pins and creeds, 
so that, if possible, hereafter I shall use buttons.” {Laughter and applause.) 
“ Oh, I may use pins if my buttons give out.” {Cries of “ Oh no!” and 
laughter.) “ Gentlemen, so goes life. One comfort is left me, I shall keep well 
posted in regard to the price of pork and poultry, having living proofs of what 
they are worth to me.” {Laughter.) 

“ Friends and fellow-stugents, we will continue our journey on the morrow, 
cheered and comforted by the reception you have given me this evening. And 
now,” exclaimed our champion, as the large crowd and lights began to tell on 
his personality, “ excuse this effervescence” (mopping his brow tenderly) ; “ it 
is caused by the deep and active interest I am taking in this vast audience ; per- 
haps partly from having to address you at short notice, and also from thinking 
of my walk in perspective, when, although not resembling Atlas in having the 
world to carry, I shall have my full share, I think.” {Cries of “ Yes” and 
laughter.) “ Fellow -hearers, I thank you for your kind attention, and will now 
close my short oration. So long !” {Laughter and applause.) 


26 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Our hero now descended from the table, and received the congratulations of 
the large assemblage, for the rooms had been packed to their utmost capacity 
during the speech. 

Brewster sold a large quantity of photographs, and Rockland Co. sauntered 
over toward one of the tables, where several stylish and well-dressed young 
gentlemen were indulging in a game for points. They had been very much 
amused and interested in his speech, and applauded frequently. 

Rockland Co. finally became deeply impressed with a young and strikingly 
handsome youth, and having an opportunity, got into quite a chat with him, 
finding him splendidly educated and very progressive in his ideas. After leaving 
him, he ascertained the young man was a son of the late Chester A. Arthur. 

Easily disposing of at least five hundred photographs, our hero linked arms 
with Brewster, first seeing that his pets were all right ; but they were already 
in good hands at the hotel. The students then escorted them to the hotel parlor, 
where a reception was held. Then they retired to their room. 

Next morning, the 7th, they had a good substantial breakfast, and started for 
Trenton, followed by the cheers of the college boys, who were out in full force 
to see them off. Arriving at the United States Hotel they had a very pleasant 
time, as usual. 

Sunday, the 8th, after a nice breakfast, our friends left their curios in the 
hotel and took a quiet stroll through the city, and whenever Rockland Co. was 
recognized he attracted marked attention. 

In their walk around the city the State Capitol, rolling mills, and other build- 
ings were visited, returning to the hotel satisfied. 

So the day passed uneventfully, and on the morning of the 9th, after a hearty 
meal and a big send off from Mr. Walton, the genial proprietor, the two friends, 
Rockland Co. and Brewster, started off. The whole business portion of the city 
were evidently up and around, and before they got under way Tom sold a nice 
lot of photos. 

“Say, Lispenard,” he exclaimed, as though struck by a sudden thought, 
“ this satchel is getting pwecious heavy !” 

Rockland Co. laughed, and returned : 

“Yes, Tom; still the contents are precious as to the weight; besides that 
satchel isn’t half as heavy as Romeo and Jumbo, and you know I’m carrying 
them to Washington. Brace up, Tom, it will be good for your kidneys.” 
Tom accordingly did so. 

Tullytown, the next place, was reached, and Rockland Co. was taken to the 
residence of Assemblyman Mr. Henry J. Shoemaker, where he and Tom were 
entertained in the warmest style. 

They next struck across the town, arriving at the Delaware House, Bristol, 
about two o’clock. Everything passed off here in the finest manner possible. 

On the 10th they arose resolving to make an early start for Holmesburg, the 
next town. After a hasty breakfast, although there was a blinding snowstorm 
aud heavy road, they resolved to go on, and set out accordingly. 

When about half the distance had been travelled, Rockland Co., happening 
to glance around, discovered to his amazement that Brewster was missing. 

In great anxiety he retraced his steps, and having gone back a few paces 
seemed to hear a muffled voice from a large drift near him ; so he set down his 
crate and basket, dashing aside the snow only to find Brewster sitting bolt 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


27 


upright, with a nose resembling a boiled lobster and hands to match. There he 
was rubbing his eyes, and looking all the while as sheepish as possible, and 
grasping his precious satchel in his right hand. 

“ Why, Tom,” exclaimed Rockland Co., '‘how the deuce did you come 
there ?” 

" How d-d-did I c-c-come there ?” chattered Tom, almost inaudibly. “ I 
st-stumbled and fell th there ; couldn’t get up. Whew !” Then recovering his 
balance and equanimity together, he sprang up, stamped his feet vigorously, and 
slapped his arms, exclaiming, “ Demned cold seat that, and my feet wesemble 
icebwergs, though they are thawing out. Glad you came back. If you hadn’t 
I should pwobably have perwished like one of the ' babes in the wood.’ Simply 
horwible.” * 

“ Why, yes,” said Lispenard, who was frightened for a moment, “ still not 
so bad as that, I guess. How are you now, Tom ; chipper enough to proceed ?” 

“All wight,” said Tom. “Go ahead ! I’ve got a powerful wight arm to 
keep fwom fweezing all that time, but I saved the satchel anyway.” 

“ Come on, then, my boy,” said Rockland Co. “ Hark !” he exclaimed, “ do 
you hear that — and again ? Sort of a — roar.” 

“ Oh, that ! Certwainly,” answered Tom. “ Some one shootin’ at a mark 
wiv a gun — must be severwal people at it.” 

“ It’s in the direction of the Delaware River. The storm is about over, so we 
will take it in,” rejoined Lispenard ; “ and if weary, you can lean on my strong- 
left arm.” 

On they went, and while en route learned from inquiry that there were some 
colored men out shooting crows on the banks of the river. Arriving, they 
strolled down to see the fun and have a laugh. 

Here were several gemmen ob color whiling away the time by popping at the 
crows as they sailed lazily through the air, occasionally turning a trifle out of 
their course, yet apparently relying upon the known invulnerability of all crows 
as a rule, and so not by any means forsaking their trysting spot, a time-worn 
old oak tree across the edge of a projecting bank. “ Caw, caw, ca-aw,” lightly 
suggested the most prominent crow, looking down at his would-be destroyers ; 
perhaps with some apprehension, the river at this point being very narrow. 

Bang ! bang ! went a double-barrelled gun with such force that it kicked 
back in its frightened owner’s hands, knocking him clear across the stream into 
a bed of soft mud, where he was seen after the smoke had drifted away. 

Tlie charge (save the mark) took effect on a rotten twig belonging to the oak- 
tree previously mentioned, and badly scared a crow, who had just vacated it in 
time — about three seconds before it was destroyed. “ Caw, ca-aw, ca-aw,” he 
exclaimed, by way of relief to his feelings. 

“ By gum !” said the astounded darkey, slowly arising from the ground. 
“ Dat crow um one ob de debbil’s own chillen. I no can hit um ; dat free times 
I shoot him, an’ dis gun am a powerfu’ kicker !” 

Still onward the crows floated toward the horizon. Again the musical “ caw, 
ca-aw, ca-aw” resounded far and wide, the echoes replying, “ ca-aw ! ca-aw !” 

Bang ! bang ! sounded a gun from the lower side of the river, this time with- 
out damaging the owner, who probably was used to loading it, but it got in its 
work all the same in another manner, for Brewster sprang forward and exclaimed, 
“ Gweat goodness, I’m shot 1” At the same moment his hat flew upward in the 


28 


A COMIC JOUENEY TO WASHINGTOIsr. 


air several feet, gyrated around, and then, impelled by some unseen power, 
dropped gently downward toward the river. 

Rockland Co. rushed forward and gazed anxiously at Tom for a moment, 
then he laughed heartily as he exclaimed : 

“ Say, Brewster, you are not hurt at all. They only took your hat, and that 
is not so bad, as we are some forty feet away. Never mind, my boy, ‘ every 
bullet has its billet,’ and so wish ’em better luck next time.” 



A WHITE CKOW — “ OWE AT GOODNESS, i’m SHOT !” 


Brewster did not look at the matter in the same light, and was inconsolable, 
even when he finally understood that it was really his hat and not his head that 
had suddenly been shot skyward and then riverward. 

“ Those black scoundwels had ought to be arwested, damaging pweple’s 
pwoperty in that way !” he exclaimed. 

In the meantime the hat, a white Fedora, had floated very near to the darkey 
whose sable form had received such striking proof of his own gunnery in the 
first instance, and raising his voice, the Ethiopian denizen shouted through his 
hands to his partner below him : 

“ Hel-lo ! You, Pete ! Hel-lo O 0-0 !” 

Helo-lo ! Hel-lo !” came answered back. * 

You be shot a white crow !” 

At this moment the hat floated in, and, caught by the swirling eddies, drifted 
to his feet. Holding it up, our gunner noticed Brewster, who had seen the hat 
float in, and was frantically motioning him to pass it over. Changing his words, 
he cried again : 

“ Hel-lo ! You, Pete, what de debbil you at, shootin’ dis gemmen’s white 
hat — hat ?” 

By this time the whole town was looking on, for every one, as well as Rock- 
land Co., was attracted by the fun. 

Finally, amid great applause and roars of laughter, as the incident was re- 
lated, Brewster regained his hat and Rockland Co. resumed his charges. After 
duly feeding them they went on as far as the Red Lion Inn, on the Bristol turn- 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


29 


pike. Brewster seemed to feel the effects of his snowslide, and complained of 
cold generally, so they concluded to stop here for a while. 

The proprietor gave them a cordial reception, and Romeo was given a post 
of honor behind the hotel bar, while Jumbo was placed in a nice dark corner of 
the cook’s kitchen. Meanwhile Lispenard had become quite familiar with the 
place, and apropos of this fact I relate a few incidents. 

The handy bar- maid who had served the two guests was evidently much im- 
pressed with Rockland Co., and she being a light blonde of fine appearance, 
figure, and effective eyes, our hero was quite taken with her, so the admiration 
was rather mutual. 

“ Ah !” said she, gazing at him admiringly, that rooshter of yours, ain’t he 
a daisy though. Shure I niver saw such a foine large felly before in me loife, an’ 
the feathers on him. Ah, thin, they’re foine, too.” 

“ Yes,” said Rockland Co. quietly. 

“ An’ I do think that is a swate little pig, jist loike the little wan that ushed 
to shlape nexht to me cowld winther nights in the owld counthry.” 

“ Ah,” exclaimed Lispenard, rolling his eyes somewhat affectedly, what a 
pity some poor fellow could not inspire the same sentiment as that pig must 
have in your bosom !” 

“ What’s that you’re shpakin’ ?” rejoined the fair daughter of Erin. Is it 
senthiment ? Ah, shure you’re a foine broth of a b’y, onyway ; an’ by this an’ 
by that ’tis yoursilf should inshpire that same in some nate an’ trim little colleen 
loike mesilf.” 

Rockland Co. began to feel his heart give a gentle palpitation, and he would 
probably have answered in kind, she being one of the kind to appreciate it, when 
from the region of the cook’s department there arose a tremendous crowing that 
fairly shook the dining-room. 

“ Great Caesar !” exclaimed he, with apprehension on every feature, as he 
sprang from his chair. “ Where is my rooster ?” 

“ Your rooshter, is it ?” said she, looking worried. “ Shure, I thought you 
had him wid you — onyway wid in rach.” 

“ So I had,” he answered, “ but he has broken loose somewhere, and is raising 
the very deuce.” 

So saying, Rockland Co. dashed toward the kitchen, followed by the bar- 
maid, and there, perched upon a large dresser, stood Jumbo, the object of this 
solicitude. Fragments of bread, cheese, lumps of sugar, etc., showed his desire 
for retreshments. 

Hastily scooping him up, our hero apologized, at which the bar-maid laughed. 

When they returned to the bar-room Romeo was just finishing a claret punch, 
which had been ordered for a two-legged mortal, and not for a beast that travels 
on four. 

He had reached it from his hiding-place by thrusting his pink nose through 
the crate, and the glass was undul}^ emptied ; so they mixed another for him, and 
had a very hearty laugh over the pig and rooster that ate and drank, as the bar- 
maid expressed it, ‘‘Jist loike rale noice owld counthry folks.” 

Lispenard asked the bar-maiden, wliile chatting with her, whether she ever 
heard of Dublin thunder {double entendre). “ Shure, that’s Dublin ale, ov coorse, ’ ’ 
said she. “ It’s shmart ye’z are !” Then with many expressions of regret they 
parted, and our travellers pushed on, stopped a short time at Holmesburg, and 
finally put up at Frankfort, the next town, for the night. 


30 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


CHAPTER VII. 

AT PHILADELPHIA. 

On the morning of the 11th, after bidding good-by to McClintock, the pro- 
prietor, at about eight o’clock they started across the suburbs for Philadelphia, 
their destination there being the Bingham House. 

All kinds of expressions were heard en route, such as, “ Well, he is plucky, 
sure enough. Going to win the wager ?” and another, “ Yes, looks that way ; 
if patience and perseverance go for anything, I guess he will;” and again, 
“ Hurrah for the pig and rooster pedestrian ! Let’s give him a good send off !” 
Then followed three rousing cheers. Stops had to be made occasionally to satisfy 
the demand for photographs, the crowd fighting for elbow-room in a wild en- 
deavor to reach Tom and secure one. 

“ Confound you, keep off my corns !” shouted a stout, choleric-looking per- 
sonage to a seedy-looking fellow of pronounced sporting proclivities, who wore 
a Newmarket coat closely buttoned to the chin. 

“ Yer don’t say so, do ’ee !” he replied. Say, old gent, you’d best keep 
your toes stowed away in your overcoat-pocket. That’s my advice. You hear 
me ?” 

The choleric personage muttered over some choice and emphatic English, in 
which “ Jackanapes” and “ impudent idiot” were prominent to near-by hearers ; 
then he subsided in the crowd. 

” Yeh ! Thinks he owns the town,” said our seedy friend to an onlooker. 
“ Let him go.” 

Brewster finally grew tired of selling photographs, and exclaimed, when 
chance favored him, ” Say, Lispenard, if this satchel gets any heavier, I weally 
believe 1 shall faint.” 

Grin and bear it, my boy,” said Rockland Co. ; and then added, “ Never 
mind, I am going to express the contents to Spring Valley in a few days for safe 
keeping, and that will relieve you.” 

” All wight. Go ahead !” said Brewster. '' Only don’t twifie with a fellow’s 
feelings. Gweat weight — vewy gweat !” 

Just before entering the city Rockland Co. was met by a splendid band in 
white uniforms, sent out as an escort by the citizens of Philadelphia. 

And so, ushered in by martial music and applause, the Bingham House was 
gained, and Philadelphia, the first decisive point, fairly won, while Rockland Co. 
tapped Brewster on the shoulder and exclaimed, Tom, we are in Philadelphia. 
The next in order of the large cities are Wilmington, Baltimore, and finally 
Washington, when we may take a holiday and a position in the Presidential pro- 
cession if all goes well. How do you stand it, eh ?” 

Poor Brewster thumped dov^ n his satchel on the nearest chair, and very em- 
phatically exclaimed, “ Stwand it ? Weally, Lispenard, to tell you the exact 
twuth, I’m pwetty tired, and shall be pwecious glad to west a bit, you know ; 
but the walk is gweat sport, too.” 

After thanking the escort w^hich had accompanied him to the hotel, calling in 
the members of the band and treating them to a nice lunch, etc., Rockland Co. 
dismissed them, and he and Brewster were entertained by the proprietor in the 
very best style. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


31 


By way of joke he notified the museum proprietors between N'ew York and 
Washington of his intended trip, and had received offers from the principal ones 
to exhibit himself and pets on very advantageous terms. 

There was a telegram from Hagar, Campbell & Co., owners of the museum 
corner of Ninth and Arch streets, said telegram having been awaiting him quite 
a while at the hotel, and in it the proprietors requested him to call to the museum 
at once, so that he and his two curios might be placed on exhibition. 

Accordingly^ our hero resolved to do so, first satisfying the demands of a 
number of reporters from various papers, by giving each one all the points in 
regard to his journey that they required, and presenting each one with a photo- 
graph. Then both travellers shook off the sloth of inactivity and set out for the 
museum, Rockland Co. leading with his pets, they having arranged to continue 
at the Bingham House during their stay. 

Arriving at the museum, a large crowd of onlookers were eagerly devouring 
the three-sheet notice on the bill-board, which stated that P. T. Lispenard, the 
pig and rooster pedestrian, would positively appear with his two world -famed 
favorites ; then followed the description of the wager, etc., adding, “ For one week 
only.” Next in order came the regular bill, including Mr. and Mrs. Patrick 
O’Brien, who had attained the neat height of seventeen feet and a few inches, 
taking their total measurement, an instance of connubial bliss and tall tout 
ensemble not often seen together. 

Then there was Nala Dalmajante, the Hindoo snake charmer, and other attrac- 
tions. The above notices drew a large and curious crowd, and the museum was 
soon uncomfortably full. 

Brewster found selling photographs a big bargain. The museum notion, as 
it was to be carried out, seemed to surprise him at first, but he finally acquiesced 
in the arrangement, mildly remarking : 

“ S’pwose most of the weal blue blood of the city will call in and see us. 
I — aw — understwand, you know, there are some — aw — dwedfully pwoud pweple 
here, the arwistocwacy of the place.” 

“Proud!” said Rockland Co., winking at a bystander who was feeding 
Jumbo with a bit of cracker — “ Proud 1 Why, Tom, some of the people in this 
region carry their heads so high that, as they never look toward the' ground, or 
very seldom, they frequently collide with the lamp-posts, and that explains why 
some of the gentlemen of the city may be seen clinging to lamp-posts late in the 
evening. It is an actual fact.” 

“ That is pwositively dwedful 1” returned Tom, and then he went at selling 
photos with a don’t-bother-me-please expression. 

Nala Dalmajante seemed to take quite an interest in Rockland Co. and his 
pets, and tried to evince her regard in various ways, such as taking the pig in 
her arms, hugging and kissing it, etc. She was quite a handsome girl of, let us 
say, twenty 1 ! having very shapely arms, a profusion of dark hair, and a figure 
passably good. 

Thomas could not stand the pressure of so many charms, and therefore soon 
surrendered at discretion, and fell deeply in love with Nala, much to Lispenard ’s 
satisfaction, who immediately assumed a very jealous air and frowned darkly at 
poor Tom, to his evident discomfort. 

“ By gwacious, ain’t she a stunner !” he whispered as soon as he could get 
over the first shock of meeting so much beauty at once. “ She’s an — aw — pwer- 
fect team — aw — weally, you know — something divine.” 


32 


A COMIC JOURN’EY TO WASHINGTON’. 


Rockland Co. merely shrugged his shoulders and continued to frown at him 
without speaking, merely shaking his head doubtfully, and Brewster was quite 
crestfallen. 

About noon a fine dinner was sent in to the manager’s private office, which 
was greatly enjoyed by both. 

Brewster had a lively time selling the photos of the great pedestrian, while 
the two pets attracted universal attention, the ladies vowing Romeo was j ust the 
most cunning little pig that ever existed. 

“ See how quiet and demure he looks in that picture !” exclaimed one lady to 
another. 

“Yes,” answered the one addressed; then with a sigh, “ only think of it, 
some time he may grow to be an awfully big fellow, and quite old, too. Isn’t it 
a shame?” 

“ Say, Fred,” remarked a young man, who had overheard the two ladies, and 
was gently stroking Jumbo in the interval, “ this rooster is a showy fellow, and 
yet you can never tell exactly how old a rooster is. Some day, though, I sup- 
pose this chap will be quite an old rooster.” 

“ That’s a fowl thought. Will,” replied his friend. 

“ Arn’t these men awful !” uttered the younger of the two ladies as they 
went on. 

Mr. and Mrs. O’Brien took occasion to inform Rockland Co. that they were 
“ wid him in his great perambulations, an’ shure,” continued her lord and 
master meditatively, “ it’s a long lane that has no turnin’, an’ be jabers ye’z are 
the b’y to win.” 

Early in the day Lispenard exchanged a quantity of Brewster’s silver for 
bills, and shipped them by express, to his great relief. 

In the evening, after their usual supper in the office, they had a fine perform- 
ance and splendid attendance. 

Nala Dalmajante went through the customary tricks with her cage of boas, 
and as a monster python wound its sinuous coils around her Tom became quite 
nervous. 

“ Say, Lispenard,” he whispered, “ that is a dwedful — aw — pwessure for an 
— aw — pwetty girl like that to stwand. Stwange, vewy stwange, don’t you 
know, that it don’t bweakher in two — immense pwessure.” 

“Oh, pshaw, Tom,” returned Rockland Co. smiling loudly, “if you were 
well acquainted with her, I dare say you would subject her to a much greater 
pressure than that. I know I should, and you can safely say she is used to both 
kinds, for she is a pretty girl and nice as they make ’em.” 

Nala, being located next to the pig and rooster pedestrian, colored somewhat, 
although compliments were an every-day matter to her, while Tom looked rather 
sheepish. However, in a moment more the crowd surged up against the plat- 
form where they were, and Tom was kept too busy to think of any other matters. 

After the museum closed Lispenard stowed away his curios for the night, and 
then both went to the hotel and afforded the guests an opportunity of seeing 
them, and after a lively chat they retired in good order. 

On the 12th Rockland Co. arose about 7.30, a bitter cold morning. Brewster 
growled considerably about the coyness of the mercury in refusing to approach 
summer heat. “ Gweat goodness,” he finally exclaimed, on attempting to make 
his toilet, “ look at that pitcher ? Fwozen solid ! Pwositively — I — aw — weally 


A COMIC JOURMEY TO WASHI]SrGTOM. 


33 


— cawn’t make my — aw — ablutions, don’t you know, when there is nothing but 
icebwergs to use. And — aw — then the wegister is fwozen out — and — aw — the 
woom is — aw — like the Korth Pole. Wing the bell, Lispenard, or shall I ? 
We’ll all fweeze solid as icicles pwetty soon.” 

“ Oh pshaw, Tom,” said Lispenard very good-naturedly, “can’t you stand 
a little cold ? You are not much of a veteran. However, ring the bell by all 
means if you wish, and you can have some hot water. They will know that is 
your object ; as for me, just watch.” Here he broke the ice from out the pitcher 
a trifle and made his toilet, exclaiming, “ Tom, cold water inside and out, for 
winter and summer, that is my motto.” 

Tom had rung the bell meanwhile, and the water, duly heated, had arrived, 
while the register was also materially helping matters. Tom looked at Rockland 
Co. a moment, and then remarked, “ Certwainly that is healthy, but I pwefer — 
aw — water a twifle warm, you know.” Then he also went through his usual 
exercise. 

Soon after this they went down to breakfast, and after a pleasant talk with 
the proprietor trudged to the show. 

It was now Thursday, and the two travellers expected to stay on exhibition 
the entire week, closing on Saturday night. The day proved a success as far as 
attendance and photograph-selling was concerned, and Brewster gathered numer- 
ous shekels. During the day the fair snake charmer became quite well ac- 
quainted with Rockland Co., and gave him some facts about her life and business. 

“Yes,” said Nala, smiling in answer to a question about her talent being 
natural to her, “ my father was a Brahmin priest, and had the gift of serpent- 
charming to a remarkable degree, so that I inherit my power from him.” Then 
she continued in the same vein, while playfully stroking a large black snake, 
which certainly looked vicious enough to do her up at short notice, “It is very 
easy after one is used to it.” 

“ Oh, certainly,” replied Rockland Co. calmly. “ It is the getting used to it 
that is the great difficulty, as the Irishman remarked who had been next door to 
being hung, but was saved at seven.” 

Here Brewster exclaimed, “ My young fwiend, pwositively you fwighteh a 
fellow dwedfully, twying to — aw — tame those cweatures, you know. Why, 
I wouldn’t have one of those — aw — weptiles awound my — aw — pwerson for a 
fortune.” 

Rockland Co. here gazed savagely at Tom and then winked at the snake 
charmer, unseen by him, and the next moment Brewster had his arm gently en- 
circled by the nether portion of the snake’s anatomy known as the tail, which 
Nala had surreptitiously slipped through a convenient opening in the lower 
portion of the cage. 

Brewster stood for a moment pale with terror, and then shouted, “ The snake ! 
Oh, my gwacious I Take him away I Quick ; or I shall be destwoyed 1 He’s 
wound my arm ; wemove him, or I’m done for I” 

By a dexterous movement Nala induced the snake to uncoil its caudal ap- 
pendage, and then, as it was Rockland Co.’s turn to be exhibited, he withdrew 
with his partner, first indulging in a good laugh at Tom’s expense. 

The O’Briens congratulated him later on regarding his success as an attraction. 

“ ’Tis wonderful how the pictures sell. Is it a mascot yez have ?” 

“ Oh, yes,” said Lispenard ; “ my pig and rooster constitute a double mascot.” 


34 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Ah, thin,” said Mr. O’Brien, “that is loike us — me woife an’ meshilf ! 
’Tis the same thing roight over agin.” 

Our hero laughingly assented. 

Rockland Co. asked Brewster how he was feeling, for he had settled down in 
a chair after being in for a rush. 

“ Well, was dwedful played out when I weached the museum fwirst, you 
know, but— aw — have had quite a west — and this is — aw — an extwemely good 
west now,” drawing himself up. 

“Good vest,” replied our champion. “Oh, that is the garment Jumbo 
sampled one night when you teased him. Oh, yes, very good vest indeed to 
stand such treatment. ” 

“ Oh, no,” explained he ; “I mean taking a west — aw — you know, like I am 
doing now, on this — aw — chair.” 

; “Of course,” returned Lispenard dryly, “and that covers the ground ; just 
about equal to a wow^ a wumpus^ a wow ; singular, and yet how similar !” 


MUSEUM rtlNTH ^-uaRCH ^ 


p.T. 


WAlisinO 

TC 

wa'>hinotoi 1 

1600 



1 

HALA- « 
OALMA- 
JA«KC 

-:r— 'jrrA / 

jlJ! 

'1' ^ 


A BROKER BROKEN UP. 

Toward evening supper was sent in, after which the time passed away very 
pleasantly until they returned to the hotel. 

Friday, 13th, was a beautiful day, business being very good at the museum, 
and all the usual routine observed. Lots of photographs were sold, more espe- 
cially at the afternoon performance, when some of the brokers, who had leisure 
time, stopped in to see the attractions. 

Considerable fun was created when one of these gentlemen smilingly picked 
up the two mascots and attempted to carry them a short distance. Romeo set 
up a squeal that did him great credit, being so loud that it discounted two pigs 
under a gate, while Jumbo broke away, flew on his shoulder, and after a shrill, 
steamboat- whistle kind of a crow, made a savage onslaught on his new silk tile, 
using beak and wings to such good purpose, that after a few vigorous blows he 
caved the top in, and the hat was a wreck. Then the broker dropped his charges 
and left. The rest of the day passed smoothly, and all went well. 

Saturday being the closing day at the museum, they were on hand early, and 
photographs sold like magic. 



A COMIC JOUBNEY TO WASHINGTOJI. 


35 


Nala seemed quite dejected, and on being rallied by Rockland Co., remarked 
she would be awfully lonesome. 

' ‘ But,” said he, “ there is Brewster. How would it do to leave him ?” 

She shrugged her pretty shoulders and said, “ Him ? Well, I like a man 
with grit, like yourself. He is more like a dandy.” 

Brewster was quite disgusted, and drawing our champion aside, remarked, 
“ Say, that’s pwetty tough ; I begin to think Nala is — aw — vewy cutting in her 
wemarks.” 

After dinner an immense crowd filled the museum, and everything went that 
walked. 

The snake charmer handled the largest snakes with impunity, and the 
O’Briens lent their height to grace the occasion. Nala seemed still rather down- 
cast, but accepted a photograph, trusting to see our champion later on. Lis- 
penard now began to make preparations for departure. After the performance 
the proprietors of the museum arranged what he would get as his share at the 
end of the week, and it was quite a handsome amount ; so the time passed. Rock- 
land Co. had accepted an invitation meanwhile to dine on Sunday with a Mr. 
Whitesides, who, as Brewster remarked, “ was a man who would nevah — aw— 
need a coat of whitewash, having a white side alweady.” 

“ Brewster,” said our hero, ” you have perpetrated a goak. Ha ! ha ! let’s 
laugh.” 

Cinderella was on the bills for the evening performance by Sheldon’s Holly- 
wood Juvenile Opera Company, and the entire show was successfully given ; 
afterward the proprietors settled the amount due our hero in cash, an& later on 
Nala gave him her carte de msite. 

Rockland Co. and Brewster then went to the Bingham House and retired. 

Sunday, after a careful toilet, our travellers left Romeo and Jumbo in the 
office and strolled around, looking at the various buildings in the city, the 
Academy of Design, Post Office, etc., spending part of the day at Mr. White- 
sides’ then, after going to St. George’s Chapel and hearing a good sermon, re- 
turned to the hotel, retiring at eleven p.m. 

Monday, 16th, Lispenard got in shape, and, closely followed by Brewster, 
bade the proprietor farewell and started en route for Chester. 

Brown’s Hotel, at Chester, was duly reached after steady walking, and they 
received a very fine ovation there. 

After supper they adjourned to the parlor. Here Rockland Co. accidentally 
addressed a polite remark to a gentleman who he thought looked lonesome. 

He was unfortunately a well-known scientist looking for material to bore, he 
being an intellectual auger. 

Then he began, ” You are a man ?” 

“ Yes,” said Rockland Co., “ so they tell me.” 

He continued, ‘‘ You are an American ? Let me unbosom myself to you.” 

Our Hero drew himself up proudly and shook his head, as if to say, “ You 
make me pretty weary. ” 

Still fiowed the wordy torrent : “ Atoms viewed through the glass, what are 
they ? Microcosms of a more advanced nature, and then there is a certain affinity 
in all things ; as the brute that roams the forest in fury unsubdued for his mate, 
and by the way” — here he gazed at Rockland Co., but failed to notice his look 
betokening mischief, or he would have left him — “ there is ‘ The Affinity of the 


36 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Liberian and the Anglo-Saxon Minds/ by Howell — very remarkable. Have you 
read it ?” 

‘ ‘ Hum ! No,” said our hero ; but, speaking of affinities, you just come this 
way to the office ; I have a pig, likewise a rooster that I am taking to Washing- 
ton, and they actually refuse to be separated !” 

The scientist arose, glared at our hero, and left the room. A few loud larfs 
followed him. Shortly afterward our friends retired. 


CHAPTER VHI. 

AT WILMINGTON. 

Tuesday morning, the 17th, found our two friends up at an early hour, and 
at Rockland Co.’s suggestion to take a “ bracer” before breakfast, they started for 
a stroll down the principal street, the weather being very cold and blowing a 
gale of wind. 

“ Confwound it,” said Tom, dragging bis hat down over his eyes with both 
hands, ” there is a terwible bweeze you know ! When my white hat was wuined 
by those infwernal negwoes, I bought another, and I weally believe I shall lose 
this.” The hat was a size too small for him. 

A belief nearly verified, for the high wind caught Tom’s hat just as he had 
relaxed his hold, and sent it bowling down the street, to Tom’s great discom- 
fiture, for after spinning rapidly along, it suddenly collided with a coal wagon 
and then disappeared. 

“ That settles the matter !” exclaimed Tom, very calmly. “ It’s no use 
now.” 

Pshaw, Tom,” rejoined Lispenard, as he noticed Tom’s expression, “ skip 
after your hat, it isn’t probably damaged much.” 

Tom accordingly dived after his property and returned after a few moments, 
holding the hat up in triumph, although minus a section of rim. 

“ Lucky I fwound any of it after being wun over. All wight,” he continued, 
placing it on his head. “ Pwoceed.” 

After taking a short walk they both returned to the hotel, breakfasted, and 
were soon again under way. 

About noon the Practical Farmer was reached, a nice, home-like hotel on the 
Wilmington Pike. The pleasant proprietor welcomed them warmly, and they 
had a meal served of the best. 

After finishing Rockland Co. observed a stout, pursy -looking gentleman, 
rather shabbily dressed, ordering around the waiters in grand style. Curiosity 
was too much for good breeding, and he leaned over toward the other table and 
overheard the following conversation, carried on in a sort of an undertone at 
first, and gradually increasing in emphasis and volume to suit the occasion — 
that is, in so far as the pursy gentleman was concerned. 

“ Yes, sir, you did understand me the first time. I wish a dish of spoiled 
oysters. Bring them here directly.” 

“ Spiled oysters or biled oysters ?” inquired the waiter hesitatingly. 


A COMIC JOUKNEY TO WASHINGTON^. 


37 


“ Egad, sir !” reiterated the pursy gentleman, speaking in a much louder 
tone, and growing nearly purple in the face. “ Damme ! I said spoiled ones ! 
Those that are stale ! If that is more plain, bad ones — the very worst you 
have !” 

“ Humph!” growled the waiter addressed, retreating, “ that man’s a crank 
for fair.” 

The waiters being of de colored suasion, Rockland Co. kept both ears open. 

Presently he heard the same waiter conferring with his brothers : 

“ Guess he’s a tramp, what won’t pay for them if dey’s all right ; onyway, 
you bet I’ll brung dem spiled ones.” He then called back, “ All right, sah, 
coming 1” 

And this fact needed no announcement, for as he spoke a most remarkable 
odor seemed to fill the dining-room. Fortunately the regular guests had not yet 
arrived, as it was only about 11.30 A. m. Rockland Co. had placed his pets under 
his table, and left the covers which fitted on both crate and basket loose, to give 
them plenty of breathing-room. 

As this extremely wild perfume burst upon the air Romeo and Jumbo burst 
forth from under the table, having been astonished at the strange occurrence, 
one squealing and the other crowing. 

The w^aiter approached with the required palate puzzler and set it on the 
table in front of the guest, and then, looking him carefully over, wrapped his 
apron around his nose and retreated a few tables back in deep disgust, while 
Rockland Co. and Tom mutually covered their noses and awaited further devel- 
opments behind respective newspapers. 

The eccentric personage seized the pepper and salt and vigorously seasoned 
the odd dish, after which, though not in any way indicating a relish for the 
same, yet he did actually eat the oysters. 

The waiter now stepped forward, and to his blank astonishment the stranger 
tendered payment from a well-filled purse, which of course was refused. 

Our epicure then remarked, “ Now bring me hither a dish of the finest Blue 
Points the house affords, fried in Baltimore style, please.” 

After these were forthcoming and had been duly eaten and appreciated, he 
arose, and laying down the amount required by his meal-check, tipped the 
darkey and was about to depart. 

The waiter stood regarding him with a mixed feeling of deference and awe. 
At length human curiosity proved too great, and he advanced, gently touching 
the party’s arm to insure his attention ; then he said : 

“ ’Sense me, sah, but would you ’blige me by ’splanin’ why you ordered dem 
are spiled oysters fust, and arterwards dem fust-class reglars ? Hope I ain’t 
intrudin’, sah, but — ” 

“ Certainly I’ll tell you,” returned the pursy gentleman benignly. You 
see, I am troubled with a tapeworm !” — here he patted his stomach emphatically 
— “ and ah, that tapeworm always wants something. To-day it’s oysters, to- 
morrow it may be eggs or shads’ roes. Do you see ?” 

The waiter smiled and bowed. 

“ Well, as it happened to be oysters that were required this time, I gave this 
old tapeworm the worst oysters I could find, and that suits him. I then procured 
first-class oysters for myself, so that 1 could enjoy my own oysters without that 
old tapeworm’s interference, and that suits me. See !” 


38 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Tlie darkey did see and retired satisfied. The peculiar stranger departed in 
a very dignified manner, but the roar which followed after him from Rockland 
Co. and the waiters, who had caught on, might have been heard on the street. 

Soon after this the travellers set forth on their journey, their next objective 
point being Brandywine Bridge. For a long time they walked steadily on ; at 
length as they were nearing that place Brewster stopped, listened intently, and 
then exclaimed, “ Wonder what that dwumming is ? Don’t you hear it ? ’Tis 
dwedfully loud ; p’waps ’tis — aw — the steam-ca-rs appwoaching, don’t you 
know, though they genwally whistle, or the engine does. Vewy loud — vewy !” 

Rockland Co. also stopped, and said, “ ’Pon my word, Tom, I do believe they 
are coming this way — not the cars, though ; sounds to me more like a drum 
corps.” 

So indeed it proved to be, for after they had gone on a few more steps they 
were close enough to see the gayly dressed drum corps band of Payne & Jacobs 
Museum, and a fine appearance they made in their bright blue uniforms, with 
their trimmings of gold braid and white Grenadier hats. 

“ Told you so !” exclaimed Rockland Co. “ I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts they 
are sent out as an escort to us. How does that base drum strike you ?” 

Upon coming near them the band halted, and the leader bowed to our illus- 
trious pedestrian with as much deference as though he were a king. 

Rockland Co. having no crown to remove in response, took off his silk tile in 
return, the nighest thing to the crown that he possessed, then the band played. 
After which the leader stated that they had been sent out by the previously 
mentioned firm to escort them to the museum. Accordingly the band quickly 
formed on the bridge in reversed order, while Rockland Co. and Brewster were 
given positions of honor in the centre of the band, which unfortunately placed 
Tom immediately behind the big drum. Then they started for the museum. 

“ Talk about a dwum stwiking a fellow!” exclaimed Tom indignantly, as 
the beater gave it one or two thumps as preliminary touches. “ If that’s a base 
dwum, its vewy base indeed. Gwacious, what a noise 1” 

Just at this critical moment the major gave his gilt baton a vigorous fiourish 
and a revolving movement, and the said drum began a few remarks by way of 
protest or defence against these aspersions, as the band started in with “ The 
Girl I Left Behind Me” in fine style. 

Owing to the close proximity of our friend Brewster to the aforesaid drum, 
the noise was really something tremendous to his suffering tympanum. 

“ Bung ! bung I bung ! — slam ! bang 1 bang ! — bang 1 bang ! — bung I bang ! 
—bang I bung !” interjected the drum. 

“ I say,” shouted poor Tom to our hero at the top of his lungs, ‘'I’ll wind 
this muffler awound my ears to — aw — shut out the sound ; ’tis pwerfectly 
terwible V* 

Brewster suited his actions to his words, and stuffed his fingers closely in his 
ears to help matters ; then as soon as a lull occurred he tied his muffler over his 
head and jammed his hat down over his eyes. He then proceeded on with Rock- 
land Co. in the ranks of the band, ‘although in a very nervous state. 

All the way to the museum large crowds of people gathered at every point, 
and when Market Street was reached an immense gathering stood awaiting their 
approach ; and as they came in view “ Three cheers for the Yankee, Rockland 
Co., and his pig and rooster” were given with a will; and as they discovered 


A COMIC JOURIIEY TO WASHINGTON*. 


39 


their plucky hero a scene of wild excitement prevailed. Men waved their hats 
and threw them up, cheering lustily ; well-dressed women waved their handker- 
chiefs, while the band halted to give the performers a rest, which Tom said “ he 
— aw — ^weally appweciated.'^ 

Shortly afterward they started on, and reached the museum at about three 
o’clock. It was an unusually large and attractive one, centrally located on Third 
and King streets. The crowd was great, while the bill for the week was a good 
one, including some clever performers, and notably so were Kickett’s trouba- 
dours. The following extra notice was conspicuously posted : 

MR. LISPENARD, 

The Pig and Rooster Pedestrian, 

Walking His Way to Washington, 

The Result op an Election Wager. 

At this Museum, Tuesday and Wednesday Afternoon and Evening, 
February 17 and 18. 

A bevy of reporters were on hand, and they were given all the details of the 
walk. The chief reporter for the Wilmington Times was especially anxious to 
get all the details, and he departed finally fully posted with the usual photograph. 

The following day a very glowing description appeared in the Times fully a 
column in length, stating all the facts which are familiar to the reader, adding 
that The wager, if won, saved the loser one thousand dollars closing the 
article by stating “ That the walker carried the pig in a crate on his breast, and 
the rooster in a basket on his back.” 

As the Irishman would say, "'Wan shtrap of layther served for the both.” 

As the time for Tuesday’s performance drew near people flocked in by dozens, 
and Brewster had a regular picnic, a little side show all by himself, selling photos. 

Our hero had arranged with a leading hotel as usual, and at the usual time of 
performance a splendid attendance greeted him. After dinner all went smoothly 
until evening, 'vvhen at least double the number of people were on hand, all 
anxious to see the great pedestrian and his wonderful pig and rooster, who were 
accompanying their owner on time. 

After a big success all around with the people generally, they went to supper 
at the hotel, and enjoyed a very handsome reception and banquet given by the 
proprietor. 

Wednesday, 18th, Rockland Co. and Brewster were around at an early hour, 
and after breakfast went to the museum, when the usual performance was 
given, the big crowds and enthusiasm for our favorites not at all abating. 

At the evening performance there was unstinted applause, while the attend- 
ance was immense. After settling with Messrs. Payne & Jacobs, our hero gath- 
ered up his pets, and with Brewster returned to the hotel. 

Thursday, 19th, found our two travellers on deck, and after bidding the as- 
sembled crowd a cheerful good-by, they pushed on and reached Newport, where 
a short stop was made. The proprietor, F. A. Sturgeon, was a good hospitable 
fellow and made them thoroughly at home. 

Tom was quite struck with his free and offhand manner, and whispered to 


40 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Rockland Co., “ Say, Lispenard, dwedful good joke. Yewy good man and 
vewy good name — Sturgeon. Pvvositively makes me — aw — quite liungwy.” 

After lunch they were again under way, and halting a few moments at Stan- 
ton, Rockland Co. and partner set out once more, and reached Newport, where 
a stop was made at two of the principal hotels and a pile of photos sold. 

At the Deer Park Hotel Lispenard met a funny person by the name of Ben 
Hanck, who expatiated somewhat as follows : 

“ Yes, indeed, I’ve heern tell of you, Rockland Co. You’re no way onery. 
You’re a right smart chap to travel to Washingtown with all that kerflumery 
o’ yourn ; looks kinder sorter big bargain, tew, but I rayther guess you’ll git 
thar. Pieters sell powerful well, tew !” 

Our hero assented, and simply nodded from time to time as he continued : 

“ Well, keep her jouncing ! S’pose you jest hanker to reach Washingtown 
with those cute little critters o’ yourn ; and they do say Grover Cleveland is a 
sight for sore eyes as tew build. Great snakes, he’s a powerful big man — fine 
figure — ’bout as big as they run, I guess.” Soon after this he purchased a photo 
and went on his way smiling. 

After a pleasant time at the hotel Rockland Co. retired. 

Friday, 20th, another advance was made, Havre de Grace being the objective 
city in view. Passing through the north end of Elkton without a stop, Rockland 
Co. stayed at the next station. North East, long enough for a square meal ; then 
taking up his lively favorites, who had been fed liberally, they finally reached 
the trestle bridge over the Susquehanna River, substantially built and a mile in 
length, leading directly to the heart of the above city (Havre de Grace). This 
bridge is crossed by the Pennsylvania Railroad, and the only way on foot is by 
long narrow planks, placed there for track-layers and other employes of the 
company. 

Our hero gazed at the planks a moment and then said, Tom, the next train 
is "due at two p.m. ; it is 1.40 now. We can’t walk very fast, but we can 
try. What do you think of venturing ?” 

Poor Tom looked doubtfully at the prospect held forth, and then returned : 

“ I s’pwose we can twy it, but I hope to g'wacious we don’t come up wiv the 
— aw — twain, you know ; ’t would be terwibly embarwassing to be wun over at 
such vewy short notice.” 

So on they started, with Rockland Co. in the lead, going at a fairly rapid 
pace ; but not so with Tom ; a snail would have been a brilliant walker compared 
to him. Finally Lispenard grew impatient and shouted : 

Tom, hurry ! It’s near train time, and 1 think this now due is the lightning- 
express. If so, it only makes one or two stops, and we are only half-way over.” 

“ My gweat gwacious !” said Brewster, trembling with apprehension and 
turning pale with fright. “ Horwible ! We are sure goners, I’m ’fwaid. Have 
to wun or perwish.” Here he broke into a pace on tiptoe, somewhere between 
a camel’s trot and a mule’s amble, in an endeavor to keep up with his partner, 
Rockland Co. When about three quarters of the way over a faint rumble and 
then a long whistle was heard, always preceding the start from a station. 

“ Run like the wind, Tom,” shouted Lispenard, “ the train is close by!” 

Brewster strived to do his best and ambled rapidly after him. 

Rockland Co. could now distinguish the train, and the engineer evidently 
thought something was in the way, for he had put on the steam brakes, and the 
train was at a standstill. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


41 


Just at this moment Brewster struck his toe against a spike, which tripped 
him, and down he went, then rolling over and over, finally disappearing with a 
wild yell through one of the open spaces. 

“ By George exclaimed our hero between his set teeth, “ I believe Tom is 
done for, and I also. I can’t make the distance now.” Meanwhile Romeo and 
Jumbo were in a great state of excitement, one squealing and the other crowing, 
and making a mighty commotion. 

Dashing onward, now at a run, our hero suddenly paused, set down his live 
stock and laughed heartily, for there below him, seated between two huge piles 



Brewster’s leap for life— saved ! ! 


of sand, sat Tom Brewster rubbing his eyes, yet still grasping his invaluable 
cane and satchel, while looking for all the world like a banshee with his best 
clothes on. 

It appears that the bridge, as in most cases, ran out over a body of dry, loose 
sand, so that when Tom slipped so quickly out of sight, he lit on terra firma 
instead of in the Susquehanna. Quite a difference when there is any height to 
be considered. 

Lispenard did not consider long what to do, but lightly dropping Romeo and 
Jumbo through the nearest space, vaulted after them, landing in close proximity 
to Brewster, who was really too much frightened to help himself. 

Rockland Co. chaffed Tom until his nerve was somewhat restored, and finally, 
after quite a tug, got him on his feet ; and they then waded through the sand, 
and came out on the other side of the bridge, where they stood watching the 
train as it slowly began to move ; the engineer was waving a red flag, and, just 
as the bridge was reached, blew three long whistles, after which the train 
stopped. 


42 


A COMIC JOURISTEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Brewster meditated a moment, and said ; 

Dwedful close shave, that, Lispenard ; but that was a gweat leap I made. 
Talk about the famous Wo-man hewo, Quinchus Curchus, he didn’t have any 
wailwoad twying to week him.” 

Rockland Co. smiled and said : 

Tom, the fact is, I got badly mixed. The train always stops fifteen minutes 
at the bridge, and I had forgotten that fact altogether.” Here he burst out 
laughing, and Tom looked rather crestfallen over his sad discomfiture. 

Here our pedestrian lifted his hat to the engineer, and sang with great gusto 
the following effusion, much to Brewster’s edification (Tune, “ Raal Owld Irish 
Dew”) : 

The man vos bold, the man vos gay, 

An the hengine vistled in vain. 

With his rooster an his pork, 

He vos solid as New York, 

An he vaited the coming train. 

The hengine hit him ! 

The hengine bust ! 

Still he vos not made to swerve, 

For he jumped from the spot 
Shoutin’, ‘ Try that on agen !’ 

That man vith the iron nerve.” 

** That’s vewy good, you know — aw — vewy !” exclaimed Tom. 

The engineer, after hearing it sang, got down from his cab for a closer view. 
“ Hello, Cockney !” he yelled mockingly. “ Yere are you a-goin’ vith that ere 
rig ?” 

Rockland Co., taking in the situation, called back, '‘Goin’ to Yashingtown. 
Don’t you vish you vos me ? I’m valkin’ to Yashingtown on a vager. 

“Yen Cleveland valks to the Yite House chair, 

I valk vith the fellows as puts him there.” 

“ I see you are quite a poick, my Cockney friend,” continued the engineer. 
“ Don’t it pain your brain to get off those rhymes ?” 

Rockland smiled, nodded, and shouted : “ Sometimes.” Then he and Brews- 
ter went to where the engineer stood. 

“ You’re no Cockney !” he exclaimed. “ Say, you’re a genuine American, 
I’ll bet, now. Ain’t you ?” 

“ Well, they don’t turn out Cockneys from Rockland County, N. Y. ; and 
that’s the place I hail from. I’m an American, of course. I’m pledged to reach 
Washington by the 4th of March. I guess I’ll connect.” 

“ Hope you will, my friend,” returned the engineer pleasantly. “ You have 
the pluck and grit, that’s positive ; but do you know, when I saw you running 
along the bridge first I couldn’t make out what you were. I thought you was 
in an awful hurry, though — until I noticed the accident.” 

Here the passengers in many instances stepped down from the train upon 
hearing the voices ; and, finding out that this was a full-blood American, and 
not any blarsted Cockney, quite a large number of photos were disposed of to 
various purchasers. 


A COMIC JOUENEY TO WASHINGTON. 


43 


Then, after a cheery Good luck go with you I” from the engineer, Mr. 
Thompson, and a ringing shout of applause from the passengers as they re- 
entered the cars, the train moved slowly off amid a flutter of white handker- 
chiefs from the windows and a shrill blast from the steam whistle. Slowly still, 
and with due caution to avoid accidents, until the bridge was nearly crossed. 
Faster and still faster as it approached the end of the bridge. Swish ! there is a 
burst of speed as the arteries in the steam giant are set in motion and the brakes 
loosened ; then there is a whirl of dust, a puff of smoke, and a writhing serpen- 
tine twist of the train as it rounds a curve, coupled with a prolonged whistle of 
warning, and the Pennsylvania Lightning Express is a speck in the distance. 

“ Say, Wockland,” exclaimed Tom pettishly, “ that was an awful mean twick 
you played on me. Honestly, I nevah was so — aw — wegularly fwightened 
before in my life.” 

“ It was too bad, Tom,” returned he,; “ it was partly a joke hurrying you 
so, though I was mistaken anyway about the time allowance. However, I’ll 
promise not to do so again.” 

Here the matter ended, and they walked in to Havre de Grace, stopping at 
the City Hotel, which is one of the best there. 

Giving their pets a good feed, and taking lunch, they went out for a stroll. 

This city is a great place for the cullud population, an’ de brack man dar, 
he am some pumpkins ; more ’speshially when he gets hisself up in a standin’ 
collar an’ silk cravat. 

Rockland Co., knowing this fact, was on the lookout for fun. Nearing a 
corner, there was quite a crowd of dark-complected gemmen, noticeable for 
the previously mentioned marks of distinction. At first our hero could not 
understand the situation. Evidently there was some great sport on hand, for 
there was quite a bevy of colored belles in the crowd ; and as they moved from 
one point of vantage to another the scent of the mild and gentle patchouly arose 
like a cloud of incense lingering on the air, being “ Sweetness long drawn out.” 
No, that is not original — the quotation marks prove. There was any amount 
of giggling and laughing among the young gals. So Rockland Co. pushed 
through the crowd to ascertain what the folks were up to. 

“ Stwange town, this — aw — vewy stwange,” murmured Brewster in his ear. 
“ Gweat many negwoes in it, and these are — aw — dwedfully black, you 
know.” 

“ That’s so,” returned Rockland Co., though I never yet heard of a w^hite 
negro. Did you?” 

Upon finding out Rockland Co. was only quizzing him, Brewster became 
silent. 

As they reached an open space the mystery was solved. In the centre of the 
road stood a large object, apparently a heavy grindstone, and on either side 
squatted a sable Ethiop, both being black as the ace of spades. It was very 
clearly a butting match, taking the centre of the stone as the objective point, 
and would mean fractured skulls or a close fit to them as a fitting close to their 
folly. 

“I declare, Wockland Co.,” whispered Brewster — “why, those negwoes 
are weally going to — aw — sacwifice themselves, actually smash themselves to 
pieces. ’ ’ 

Rockland Co. nodded, and his face turned very red as he strode up to a tall 


44 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHIIsGTOI^. 


hoosier who was in. the midst of the crowd, which lined the street, and was look- 
ing on with perfect gravity. 

“Pardon me, stranger,” he began, “but do they allow colored people, or 
any one else, to kill themselves by smashing their heads to pieces as these fellows 
are doing ? Why, it is downright murder, and nothing else !” 

The hoosier looked at our hero for a moment, and, winking slyly, returned : 
“ Say, you can’t play any tarnation cute tricks on me. You know what that ere 
thing out there is as well as I do.” 

“ What,” said Lispenard, “ that stone ?” 

“ Stone, eh?” continued the hoosier, bending nearly double to keep up his 
gravity. “ Just wait till they strike it. Um ! When they do, look out for a 
rush. They got a stake of ten dollars for the feller that breaks the stone. Oh, 
the lucky feller will break it, of course he will.” 

Here he laughed so heartily that he was obliged to stuff his handkerchief in 
his mouth. And as the time drew near for the exciting trial, quite a number in 
the crowd began to smile very audibly. And our friends kept circulating around 
to get the air. 



At length the appointed signal was given. A handkerchief fluttered in the 
air from the hand of a sable damsel — no doubt a sweetheart of one of the knights 
contending — she viewing the scene from Winterbotham’s hostelry (warm name 
for winter). 

Whizz ! The two heads dashed against the grindstone with terrific force. 
The result was perhaps different from what the contrabands had expected, as 
their heads met together in the very centre with a shock that certainly was a 
great surprise to their feelings ; and it undoubtedly shook them up very badly. 
At the same time, a wild and ancient odor arose on the air, which was wafted to 
the noses of the expectant crowd — it savored of cheese which in time waits not 
to be carried, but walks. It was, precisely speaking, a stench, and the people 
began to thin out rapidly, the roars of laughter being actually deafening as they 
dispersed. 

Listen ! What sound was that — the loud shriek of a dusky damsel in distress? 



A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTOiq'. 


45 


It is indeed she, the one who gave the signal. She had fallen back on a chair, 
saying, “ Oh, my poor Jimmie Ten cents’ worth of peanuts revived her. 

The two poor cullud sports finally emerged from the cheese covered to 
the shoulders with the yielding mass, and looking badly scared. 

It was really a lot of young chaps who arranged the above “ butting match,” 
and, taking the hoosier into their confidence, he quickly furnished the cheese 
from a neighboring grocery. A coat of gray paint completely transformed it, so 
that it Was a grindstone in semblance. And among the uninitiated it passed for 
a veritable grindstone. 

When the contestants had gotten over their fright they were taken to a 
hydrant, and were well cleansed of the closely adhering substance. After which 
they were given new suits of underclothes (as they were clad in their fiannels 
for the occasion). Then Rockland Co. took up a collection for them, and thus 
made up a purse of about $20, which was duly handed over, at which both 
grinned, nodded, and showed their ivories ; James, the feller with the sweet- 
heart, exclaiming : 

‘‘ Dat yar grinestone was mighty I mighty !” 

And indeed it was “ mi tey.” 

Then the two patriots stepped over to a barber’s, resumed their clothes, and 
walked off smiling as pleasantly as though “ butting a grindstone” was an every- 
day occurrence. 

Returning to the hotel, Mr. Smith, the proprietor, proved a very affable man, 
and related some funny anecdotes anent the cullud population, one or two of 
which may suffice. . 

A backwoods preacher (colored of course), who found his work rather discour- 
aging on small salary, addressed his congregation one Sunday as follows : 

” Chillen, Ise tryin’ right hard to preach de sermons ebery week at two dollahs 
salary, an’ Ise kinder konfuskated, dat am de fac. So I reckon you has eider 
got to raise de ante to free dollahs, or Ise gwine to git out an’ skirmish for hogs 
an’ chickens, like de oders, an’ make up de fault by givin’ de ieabins to de poor.” 

It was decided to let him skirmish at $2. And this : 

In the Hottentot country a chief, choosing his fair partner, fells her to the 
earth with a dainty war club before asking her consent. Should she decline, she 
simply calls out, “ Say dar ; you stop dat knockin’ !” (Accent on the knocks.) 

A pile of photographs were sold at this hotel and vicinity. 

Romeo and Jumbo were petted to their hearts’ content by the ladies present, 
who said : ” Romeo was just nice as sweetmeats.” 

An elegant repast was served at the hotel during the day, in which canvas- 
back duck, green turtle steaks, and chocolate made a royal feast ; our hero 
being kept very busy waiting on two fair damsels who sat next him ; for, al- 
though quite young and slender, they were evidently of good capacity, and did 
not pass any of the dishes offered them. Poor girls ! After thanking the pro- 
prietor for the warm manner in which he had been received, Rockland Co. took 
his pets and adjourned to the bar-room, where he interviewed a number of 
bridge-makers. After they were fully informed as to his affairs and had duly 
praised our hero, etc., he asked them a few questions about their particular 
trade, and found that a cool head and steady nerve were essentially requisite. 

After bidding them good-evening, Rockland Co. housed his pets and retired, 
Brewster yawning fearfq^ly. 


46 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Saturday morning, 21st, after a general leave-taking, they went ahead, stop- 
ping at Aberdeen to get a drink of spring water, and afterward at Abingdon* 
where Rockland Co. tried a sandwich, said sandwich resembling the sole of a 
shoe placed between two slices of stale bread. Brewster grumbled, and then 
generously offered our hero half of his ; but Lispenard gently passed on any 
more sandwich. 

Toward evening they halted at a town styled Gunpowder (quite a suggestive 
name), and Mr. Tyson, the pleasant proprietor, gave them every liberty and an 
excellent meal. 

After a large sale of photos and the usual enthusiasm over the curios, they 
went to their rooms, as Brewster declared “ He was— aw — awfully played out, 
you know.'’ 

Next day, Sunday, 22d, being Washington’s Birthday, all Gunpowder was 
decorated with flags and streamers, preparatory to Monday’s celebration ; Rock- 
land Co. remarking to Tom, by way of a joke while walking, It wouldn’t 
surprise me very much if the whole of this town blew up in honor of the coming 
event. Just imagine, for instance, the awful results which might occur from 
dropping a lighted match or a cigar in such an inflammable place — Gunpowder I 
Great Csesar I” 

Brewster felt very nervous about this time, until Rockland Co. ’s hearty laugh 
restored his confidence. 

Leaving the town in good shape about 9.30 a.m., our travellers struck bravely 
onward, Baltimore being their present goal. 

Going through a wooded district, they met.a number of very j oily railroad 
men. Among them was an eccentric character by the name of Jerry, very loqua- 
cious, and a typical Southerner. Rockland Co. engaged him in conversation, 
when he immediately held forth as follows on his chosen ground. Southern 
rights : 

“ You people up North were all wrong. You Northerners were jealous of 
the South. Cos why ? You wanted her niggers. Well, what is the result ? 
You’ve fought for ’em, and now you’ve got ’em. To- day how do we stand ? 
Why, the North has all the nigger she wants — perhaps too much. Though they 
are all right in their place ; but how about the idle, careless good-for-naughts ? 
Talk about slavery I Why, it was just peaches for that sort. And I’ll say right 
here that there never was a finer country than the South before the war ; and 
there never was a more God-forsaken country than the South after the war. 
And the prettiest piece of bunting that ever floated was that same old ‘ bonnie 
blue flag.’ ” 

As the man continued his dark eyes flashed, his brawny chest expanded ; he 
seemed to grow in height until his form appeared almost massive. Could this 
be an ignorant road-mender ? 

“ Talk about State sovereignty I Stevens was correct on that point. But the 
niggers ought to have been sent back to Africa and accidentally drowned 
before getting there — anyway, all the lazy, idle ones. They caused the trouble. 
Southern rights indeed ! Stonewall Jackson and Lee knew how to fight for ’em. 
And, sir, let me say now, though you may call it a ‘ lost cause ’ ” (here he threw 
his tattered hat at his feet), “ that it was a noble cause ; and I take off my hat in 
reverence to the men who fought for it and the men who died for it I Gentlemen, 
I honor the memory of Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jfckson.” 


A COMIC JOURI^EY TO WASHINGTON. 


47 


Here Jerry dropped on one knee and bent his head, while the winter sun 
glinted down and touched the golden hair of the kneeling man, and cast fantastic 
shadows of mingled light and shade on the stalwart group around, framing in a 
never-to*be-forgotten picture. 

Then Jerry rose to his feet, picked up his hat, and strolled on with some 
companions. ^ 

An involuntary cheer arose from the listeners. Not for his sentiments, for 
they were Southern ; not for his pluck in upholding them — that was from edu- 
cation in Southern principles ; no ; it was caused by the manly, straightfor- 
ward bearing of the speaker and his perfect faith in his own creed. 

As Tennyson sings in “ Locksley Hall” : 

** True hearts are Inore than coronets. 

And simple faith than Norman blood.” 

But as Rockland Co. thought of so much energy misapplied, he looked after 
Jerry pityingty ; and the lines of Rodman Drake, the boy poet, arose to the gates 
of memory, entered, and lingered on his mind like “ freedom’s benediction 

Forever float that standard sheet. 

While foes and traitors fall before us. 

With Freedom’s soil beneath our feet. 

And Freedom’s banner floating o’er us.” 

Poor Jerry and his lost opportunities I What a great general he might have 
made ! 

After a pleasant chat with the rest of the crowd, and giving Tom lots of time 
to dispose of photographs, our hero got under way again, making a stop at Rose- 
vale for the purpose of a few minutes’ rest. They resumed their walk under the 
guidance of a telegraph repairer, and in a few moments Rockland Co. exclaimed, 
“ Tom, my boy, here is Baltimore !’^ 


CHAPTER IX. 

AT BALTIMORE. 

Proceeding on their way, our two travellers shaped their course for George 
Starr’s house (he being the manager of the Masonic Temple), to conclude arrange- 
ments for the coming week. 

J ust outside of Starr’s house Brewster was brought to a standstill by a large 
crowd of photograph buyers, and quarters began to flow into his satchel at a very 
lively rate. 

Finally our champion took his leave, advising all who wished to see Romeo 
and Jumbo in all their beauty to visit the Masonic Temple Museum the ensuing 
day. 

Lispenard and Tom then went to Mr. Starr’s, and were received like old 
friends ; and our hero made himself agreeable to the Adams sisters, to whom 
Mrs. Starr introduced him. These little ladies were pretty, intelligent, and well 


48 


A COMIC JOURKEY TO WASHIKOTOK. 


educated outside of their profession, especially so in regard to knowledge of the 
various parts of the country they had travelled through. 

Mrs. Starr prepared an elegant luncheon, and our friends enjoyed it immense- 
ly. During the meal Romeo and Jumbo were taken care of and fed and petted 
by the Adams girls ; the youngest vowiug that “she once knew a young man 
that had eyes exactly like Romeo,” and that^ehe thought Rockland Co. resembled 
him, “ only so very much handsomer.” 

Rockland Co. blushed at this, and modestly turned away his head (in the way 
of poker), being a little shy. Then reflecting it was not leap year, but wishing 
it was, he sighed and said it was unfortunate for him that he was not that 
young man. 

“ Why so ?” inquired the fair speaker. 

At this critical moment “ Chestnuts !” came in a deep, bell-like voice by way 
of answer ; and Rockland Co. sprang to his feet only to see a large gray parrot 
perched on a swinging bar near the window. The answer was so opportune, as 
well as in tune, that all burst out laughing ; and then the luncheon continued. 

The hostess, Mrs. Starr, detailed her experience in the show business (for it 
appears she was the original lady “who was brought to this country by the 
great and only Barnum,” and was shot from the mouth of cannon at vast num- 
bers of performances under that enterprising showman’s management). 

“ People say,” said she, “ that it requires great courage to walk up to the 
cannon’s mouth. Yet I was fired from a cannon bodily into space.” 

Here Rockland Co. winked his other eye and smiled. 

“ Of course,” she continued, ” I won’t say what the cannon was loaded with ; 
but I went out from it like a shot — positively !” 

After a pleasant afternoon, Mr. Starr not having arrived, they had a light 
supper, to which all did j ustice. 

Poor Tom was quite broken up by the charms of the younger of the Adams 
sisters ; but he was too soft to suit her ideas. 

“ Pweple seem to — aw — think that I’m dwedfully gween, you know.” 

His particular favorite was sitting next to him, and turned her head to avoid 
laughing outright. 

There was a satirical chuckle just behind Brewster; then a sonorous voice 
replied : “ You’re a fool ! you know you are !” 

Poor Tom grew extremely red in the face, and then glanced around to find 
the before-mentioned African parrot, Toby, perched on the back of his chair. 
He immediately sprang to his feet with an exclamation untranslatable in the 
Volapiik language. Toby, viewing this sudden flight, took advantage of the 
opportunity by seizing one of the tails of his coat and hanging on in an endeavor 
to be a close friend to him. 

Tom seemed very much annoyed at this occurrence ; and after Toby was re- 
turned to his perch Brewster explained himself regarding the affair. 

“ You see — aw — I don’t care a gweat deal about parwots ; they are too dwed- 
fully pwesuming on short notice.” 

The travellers now made preparations to sbt out ; and Rockland Co. left word 
for Mr. Starr to meet him at the Mansion House, where he intended to put up 
for the present at least. 

The youngest of the Adams sisters, out of fun, induced Brewster to cut off a 
lock of his hair as a “ mascot.” Tom cut off about a foot of hair and rolled it 


A COMIC JOURHEY TO WASHIiq^GTOM. 


49 


up in tissue paper for her, at which they all laughed. Immediately afterward 
they started for the Mansion House, our hero with his pets in advance. 

The hotel was filled with an expectant crowd ; and after their curiosity was 
satisfied lots of photographs were sold. 

Then our hero took his pets and adjourned to the room kept especially for 
visitors or professional people. Here he met Professor Worth, who was then 
lecturing at the Masonic Temple Museum. 

The professor seemed particularly partial to “ mystery shows” of all descrip- 
tions in preference to all other kinds. “Mystery to the mass,” he exclaimed, 
“ is like sugar to molasses ; or, better still, like dough to bread — something very 
often needed. Still those little pets of yours are very attractive ; and I have not 
the least doubt you will win the wager and the public attention.” 

Then he gave Rockland Co. a wink and a genial smile, and withdrew after 
shaking hands cordially. 

Manager Starr was then announced, and arrangements were made for a week 
at the museum on sharing terms. 

Brewster meanwhile had strolled out to the parlor; and Rockland Co., tak- 
ing leave of Starr for the present, followed after, to find him detailing his experi- 
ence to a good-sized crowd. 

“ In making the — aw — gweat jump from the twestle bwidge, you know.” 

Lispenard saw his chance for a joke in the amused looks of Tom’s auditors ; 
and, slipping up behind him, touched his shoulder and whispered : 

‘ ^ Say, Tom, look out ; if there is a reporter here he will have this all down 
fine, with your pedigree, name, and everything complete.” 

Poor Brewster looked at his partner a moment, his face assuming various 
colors, stammered, coughed, and whispered in reply ; 

‘‘ The horwid weporters ! I had forgotten. I must pwevent it by all means.’* 

He then faced his hearers with considerable assumption of nerve, and said : 

“ My fwiends, I wish to state that should any of the wepwesentatives of the 
pwess be — aw — pwesent, I pwefer that my — aw — name should be kept out of the 
papers, you know ; it might overwise damage my weputation.” 

There was a smothered laugh from those present ; and a party next to Rock- 
land Co. inquired jokingly : 

“ But what shall we call you should the story of your grea*t leap be pub- 
lished ?” 

And Tom replied : “ I wouldn’t have my name known in connection with this 
— aw — affair, you know, for $40,000. Simply say, ‘ It was a fool.’ ” 

The tremendous outburst of laughter that greeted this speech astounded 
Brewster, who sat down to recover himself — handkerchiefs being vainly used to 
recover composure ; Rockland Co. smiling very broadly. Soon after this, being 
unable to recover his gravity, he looked after his two favorites, and made a re- 
treat to his room in good order, Brewster following. 

During the night Brewster complained that it was bitter cold ; so our hero 
attacked another room, and soon returned laden with two horse blankets, which 
he threw over on Tom as he exclaimed : 

“There; how’s that? Ain’t I a first-class step-father to you? You know 
I’m going with you, and just merely stepping all day.” 

Rockland Co.’s joke appeared to amuse Tom very much indeed. Soon after 
he thanked him and went to sleep. 


50 


A COMIC JQURNEY TO WASHINGTONS’. 


Monday, February 23d, was of course a holiday and a gala day in the city. 

Bunting was profusely displayed ; and small boys with good-sized brass can- 
nons manipulated them with so much vigor in front of their respective dwellings 
that the faces of passers-by assumed a kind of “ wonder-what-on-earth-ails them” 
expression as the cannons continued talking right out ; and this edified the boys 
greatly. 

A glance from the window showed Rockland Co. the patriotic state of affairs 
as just detailed. 

Soon after Brewster hove in sight, and they had a good square breakfast. 
Then Starr’s Museum band took them in charge, to escort them around the city 
and afterward to the museum. When the visitors present had interviewed our 
hero and his two pets, and Tom had disposed of a lot of photographs, our travel- 
lers started off, bidding good day to those at the hotel, while the assembled guests 
cheered and waved their hats. And as the brass band began the stirring tune 
dedicated to Barry Fitzpatrick, Esq., “ Tehuantepec McGinnis, O. I. Oh,” a six- 
pound brass cannon added a word. 

The suburbs of Baltimore were to be visited, including Jones’s Falls ; and as 
they approached this place they found a large crowd of folks patiently waiting 
for the great pig-and rooster pedestrian. As soon as they distinguished him 
walking with the crate and basket, accompanied by his brilliantly uniformed 
escort, the crowd shouted themselves hoarse. “ Hurrah for Rockland Co. ! 
Hurrah ! Hurrah!” etc. Quickly forming a guard of honor behind the band, 
they kept on in line until our hero stopped at the Carrolton and made his arrange- 
ments for the week, when the line was once more formed, and the band and well- 
wishers marched to the museum. A parting cheer was given our hero as he dis- 
appeared in the museum with the band, Jumbo answering with a shrill crow. 

Immediately after his entrance, just as he had sat down in an available chair, 
a News reporter interviewed him ; and to oblige him Rockland Co. gave him all 
the details up to date. 

This is about the substance of the interview : 

“ Mr. Lispenard, you look warm.” (Rockland Co. was wiping his steaming 
brows, the crate and basket being near him.) “ Pretty wintry weather, too. 
How do you account for your condition ?” 

“ Can’t do it,” said Rockland Co. “ Say, just pick up that crate and basket 
if you want to find out, and try two or three trips around this place. Bet you 
daren’t.” 

The reporter said, “ Oh yes, I dare.” So he actually did pick them up, and 
tried a few paces amid a chorus of strange sounds from the tenants within ; but 
he finally set them down, saying, “ That wasn’t funny.” 

Then Lispenard liberated his charges for the reporter’s edification, and stated 
that Romeo had gained about six pounds since leaving New York, and that as to 
himself he had been treated in a first-class manner since he left Haverstraw, being 
met with a band of music in all the large cities ; throngs of enthusiastic people 
being in attendance. 

“How many miles have you travelled in anyone day?” inquired the re- 
porter. 

“ Twenty-eight miles was the highest number in any one day ; and when you 
consider the weight I carry, why — ” 

“ Exactly,” said the reporter. “ That is a big day’s walk. Well,” he con- 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


51 


eluded, ‘‘ I wish you every possible success, including a big time at Haverstraw. 
1 don’t suppose you and your friend will walk back ?” 

“Walk!” returned Lispenard. “No, sir I I return ou the Pennsylvania 
Railroad, and an express at that !” 

The museum was densely crowded, more especially as it was a holiday — 
Rockland Co. and curios being a prime attraction. The reporter spoke of this 
fact and said : “ YouTl have a big week, sure.” He then took his leave thor- 
oughly satisfied. 

Our hero made himself very agreeable to the neighboring curios on exhibition. 
Romeo and Jumbo shared in his growing popularity in consequence, and wanted 
for nothing during their stay. The bearded lady took an especial fancy to our 
porcine friend, vowing that “ he was really too pretty and innocent for the 
pomps and puzzles of this wicked world.” Rockland Co. agreed with her, and 
promised to let Romeo rest on his laurels after the journey was over. 

At the afternoon performance a vast crowd surged through every inch of 
space, and seats were at a premium. “ Standing Room Only” was displayed ; 
and after this the place was filled to the full extent and the doors closed. Out- 
side a large gathering was studying the attractive bill-board of the week’s enter- 
tainment as thus : 

THE GREAT AND ONLY P. T. LISPENARD, 

Who is Actually Carrying a Live Pig and Rooster 
To Washington on a Wager, 

And is a Sure Winner. 

To he Seen This Week Only. 

At the evening performance Professor Worth lectured on the various attrac- 
tions, giving the pig-and-rooster pedestrian a glowing description, which bene- 
fited the photograph sale immensely. 

After the show a sort of holiday feast was gotten up by Mr. Starr, and all sat 
down to it with a feeling of satisfaction, which was only intensified when arising 
from it. After this event both set out for the Carrolton, and went to bed tired 
out. 

As Rockland Co. was removing his coat he burst out laughing, and then ex- 
plained the cause. “ Say, Tom, I was tackled to-day by one of those he male 
she-male woman’s righters. She asked me to supper, and said she could give me 
a great inducement — in fact, four minds would join with us.” 

“ Gwacious 1” Tom answered rather sleepily. “ W — what did you — aw — 
wemark in weply ? Something vewy dwedful, I spwose.” 

“ Only said,” continued Lispenard, “ that a previous invitation to dine with 
a number of stomachs forced me to decline her very kind invitation.” 

Tuesday, 24th, at about 7.30 our travellers arose and breakfasted ; then, a 
heavy snow having fallen during the night, Rockland Co. procured Mr. Starr’s 
cutter, and, guided by him, were driven rapidly through the city and vicinity, 
and saw all the objects of interest, including the famous Washington Monument, 
most of Druid Park, the City Hall and adjacent buildings, etc. Then they Avent 
to the museum, and Mr. Starr fed Romeo and Jumbo. Romeo stood on his hind 
legs and ate bonbons and cake, Avhile Jumbo had a nice lemonade cocktail (the 


52 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


name of this drink just hit the mark). Dinner was sent in from the hotel as 
usual. Our hero took occasion to write to Merrick and Gannon during the day 
as promised. 

So everything passed off in great shape, including the evening performance ; 
and, after going to the hotel, both retired — time, about eleven p.m. 

Wednesday, 25th, nothing especial occurred either at the hotel or museum. 
All went smoothly. 

Morning of the 26th, Thursday, Rockland Co. made a very careful toilet, as 
he expected to call on a particular friend having a large bird emporium — a Mr. 
Schnick, who was then doing business at No. 74 Park Avenue. 

Taking in the museum, they found it crowded with people ; and they made 
a rush for Brewster to secure photographs, while they cheered lustily for the 
pig-and-rooster man. 

The stock of photographs was limited, as the lot which had been ordered to 
come from Haverstraw by express would not be on hand until Saturday ; so our 
hero grew quite anxious, and finally said : “ Don’t sell any more to-day ; we 
have only seventy-five left — just think — to last us three days. Phew ! I know 
I shall be relieved when we get ’em.” 

At this moment there was quite a disturbance noticed in the rear of the 
museum, and the crowd fell aside right and left as a big burly woman elbowed 
her way to the front without caring for the feelings or corns of others. 

Arriving in the vicinity of Tom she put her arms akimbo, grimacing at him, 
to Tom’s extreme astonishment, after which she addressed him as follows : 

“ I say, young man, be you the felly as howlds the fortygrafts ?” 

Tom assented as soon as possible under the circumstances, being out gene railed. 

“ Bekase av yez are, ye’ll give me wan, or I’ll have yer loife !” 

Brewster looked scared, but assented. 

“ Now, thin, me nabors here say these fortygrafts are not to be had at all. 
Shure, now, I’m well fixed, an’ will pay a fair price. Sivinty -foive cints a pace 
for ’em, will that do ?” 

The crowd stared in wonder. 

Rockland Co. here interposed and said : 

How many do you wish, madame ?” 

“ Oi’ll take tin of thim — wan for mesilf, wan for me husband Billy, an’ me 
cousin Pat, an’ his brother Michael, an’ — ” 

Here Rockland Co. stopped her and said : 

“ Seventy-five cents is not enough for a woman of j^our standing,” looking 
critically at her, and then winking at the bystanders. “ My good woman, the 
lowest figure I could think of accepting would be $10 for ten pictures, or $1 
each.” 

The stout woman appeared considerabl}^ crestfallen, but finally, with quite a 
flamboyant air, produced a plethoric pocket-book, soiled as to condition and cov- 
ered with grease, as was her own face and garments. From a wad of bank-notes, 
all mixed in higgledy-piggledy, she yanked out a wrinkled $10 note, and passed it 
to Rockland Co., who then instructed Tom to pass over the desired ” forty- 
grafts.” 

After they had been handed over, she stood gazing at Rockland Co. in open- 
mouthed astonishment, and finally exclaimed ; 

“ I say, misther !” 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


53 


* Well,” our hero answered, what is it ?” 

“ Why did yez charge me the exthra quarther aich on those fortygraf ts ?” 

“For the reason,” responded Rockland Co., “that another time you may 
possibly use less rudeness, and be a trifle more civilized in making yourself 
known.” 

That was the wind-up ; for this brawling Amazon flounced angrily out of 
the museum to seek her emigrants’ boarding-house, muttering as she retired : 
“ Will, av I must say so. To think ov the chake ov that divil ! An’ me buyin’ 
his owld forty grafts and payin’ him his own price, too. Jist to think ov it !” 

Those who witnessed the occurrence laughed very heartily. 

Soon after this Lispenard touched Brewster’s arm and said : “ Come on, Tom, 
to Mr. Schnick’s.” Accordingly they set out, and found the place very easily. 

Mr. Schnick received them cordially, Rockland Co. having known him some 
years. 

Unfortunately for Tom, a large gray monkey wished to have a little fun, and, 
sliding down from his perch, with a few nimble bounds was across the store, 
when he surmounted Tom’s person, seized his silk handkerchief, and darted away 
with it to the rear of the store. 

“ Gweat goodness !” cried Brewster, gazing wildly after the retreating ani- 
mal. “ Am I weally in my wight senses ? Or, anyway, what was that — aw — 
dwedful cweature that — aw — appwoached me ? I am extwemely surpwised, 
you know, that you should allow him that pwivilege. Was it a wild cat ? It 
weally stwuck me that it was a cat of — aw — some kind.” 

Mr. Schnick and Lispenard both laughed heartily, and explained to him that 
it was only the big show monkey. Jocko. Then, as Crockett phrases it, Mr. 
Schnick “ went for the varmint,” and found him quite wrapped up in his latest 
acquisition ; for, as the proprietor observed, “ he had used it as an impromptu 
wrapper.” 

“ Jocko wouldn’t harm a fly,” Mr. Schnick continued, as he returned Tom 
his handkerchief uninjured. “ Why, he’s as playful as a kitten.” 

“ Vewy likely,” answered Brewster, with a rather disgusted expression, 
“ but I pwcfer to use my own — aw — pwoperty wivout any monkey’s assist- 
ance.” 

After Mr. Schnick hau shown them his latest novelties in the way of paro- 
quets, bullfinches, canaries, and incidentally a large macaw, resembling a parrot 
but much larger, they took their leave, Mr. S. wishing our hero every possible 
kind of success. 

Taking a car, they rode to a portion of the city overlooking the Patapsco 
River, and alighting, they obtained a magnificent view of that stream, stretching 
away in a silver sheet of water until it touched the horizon. From there our 
travellers proceeded to Federal Hill, where a splendid view of Baltimore and its 
environs was obtained. After satisfying their curiosity, they proceeded to sat- 
isfy the pangs of hunger by stopping at a bang-up restaurant, where they en- 
joyed a tip-top dinner at Lispenard ’s expense. 

Reaching the museum, Romeo and Jumbo were exhibited at the usual per- 
formance, and everything went as smooth as silk until the usual evening per- 
formance, when both went to the Carrolton for the night, having arranged to 
stay at the Academy Hotel afterward. 

Friday, 27th, the museum was reached as usual, and all went well. 


54 


A COMIC JOURI^^EY TO WASHINGTO^T. 


Quite a funny incident happened during the afternoon performance. 

It appears that Madame Mulvany, the fat woman in the show, had been pre- 
sented with a Turkish lounge, or fauteuil, being the gift of an admirer. It was a 
very handsome piece of furniture, made of ebony, and having a cover of pink 
satin, adorned with lace and rosettes of ribbon to match. 

It had been very prominently noticed on the programme, and an Irishman, 
who was reading over the description, grew quite puzzled over the word fauteuil, 
and finally handed his programme to Brewster with the following remark : 

‘‘•Whativer wad yez call that noime ? Is itfat-taile? ‘ The renowned Ma- 
dame Mulvany, our fat lady, has been presinted wid de beauthiful satin fat-taile " 
(the wan she sits on, ov coorse).’' 

Then came the description. 

Brewster hesitated, with the remark that he was pwerfectly well used to 
Fwench, but — aw — had become wather wusty.’' 

Rockland Co. took in the situation, and very calmly answered : 

Oh, this is pretty plain, Tom. Our fat lady has been presented with the 
beautiful satin fat-stool, and that’s the wan she’s sitting on. French, of course.'” 

The Irishman thanked them both and passed on ; but between the two defini- 
tions the onlookers became much amused, and some laughed heartily upon leav- 
ing the vicinity. 

After the evening performance Rockland Co. housed his two pets, and, taking 
Brewster’s arm, sauntered down to Charles Street — quite a fashionable locality — 
as he had received an invitation to attend a ball given by a colored sport of some 
note. 

Stopping in front of a large, well-lighted house, they ascended the stoop, 
pausing to listen to the sounds within. There were some very lively notes 
emanating from a harp and violin, proclaiming, with rapidly moving feet, the 
reign of Terpsichore. 

Handing in his card of admission, Rockland Co. and Tom were ushered in 
the parlor. 

It was truly a dark and moving sight. 

“ Tom,” whispered Lispenard, “ I wanted you to see a genuine black ball. 
How does this one affect your ideas ?” 

” Gwacious !” returned he. “ Then, when — aw — a fellow is black-balled at 
the club he is tweated to an awangement like this, I spwose ? I weally wonder 
why Afwican pweple have such — aw — extwemely kinky hair, and their eyes 
are so dark, and they woll them awfully,” whispered Brewster. 

Rockland Co. rejoined also in a whisper : “ Thomas, to paraphrase Moore, 
after the manner of Wegg : 

“ As they roll their slumbrous eyes, and wink so, 

’Tis de wool in de hair that makes it kink so.” 

Tom appeared nonplussed ; but as the chairman now took them in charge, 
they were seated with all due ceremony. 

‘‘ I say, Wockland,” pointing to a black-eyed and rather pretty mulatto damsel 
of about twenty, “ isn’t she a stunner V’ 

“ Yes,” replied he, “ she is pretty. Wait ; I’ll ask her to dance.” 

There was a number of handsome quadroon women on the floor, their escorts. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


55 


as well as themselves, seemingly social leaders in colored society, yet this particu- 
lar party seemed unusually pretty at closer view. 

Rockland Co. walked up to her and requested her hand for the next waltz, 
but was politely refused, much to his surprise. Somewhat piqued, he finally led 
Brewster forward and introduced him very ceremoniously, and the darksome 
damosel seemed rather smitten with him on sight. Therefore Rockland Co. 
hovered around, anxious to get at her reasons for refusing him, having no doubt 
Tom would succeed. 

After some skirmishing, Brewster asked her to dance, and was refused even 
more pointedly than before. Tom pressed her for her reasons. At first she hesi- 
tated and cast down her eyes modestly without replying. 

Brewster continued his inquiry, hoping she would assent to his request. 

Then she said : You gemmen will take notice dat I dance wid no white 
gemmen whatsumdever, huh V’ 

“ Aw — vewy twue,’' returned Brewster, thinking he would be considered an 
exception. 

“Well,” she continued, “if you mus’ know, de puspiration from my pus- 
son in de sumtime, an’ at de dance also, am extravagant ; an’ de reason I refuse 
you gemmen dis ebenin’, when I sweats I alius stinks ; an’ when I done gone got 
dose stinkers I ain’t fit to dance wid any gemmen unless my own sect.” 

Rockland Co. was near enough to get the drift of the dialogue, and, making 
his excuses, seized Brewster by the arm, who seemed completely dumbfounded — 
the perfumes arising from various colognes used, as well as the last episode, 
being rather too much. 

All the way to the hotel our hero was attacked with fits of laughter, much to 
Brewster’s mortification. 

Reaching the Academy Hotel, Rockland Co. ended up with an old style 
“ laugh that did him proud,” and afterward they talked to a number of guests 
before retiring. 

Saturday morning, February 28th, dawned bright and clear, and found our 
travellers on the alert, both on account of the close of the engagement at the 
museum, and the fact also that the time drew near to the 4th of March, and 
probably the successful fulfilment of the wager. 

Immediately after breakfast the mail arrived, and letters for the guests were 
distributed. Our hero received a letter from Merrick, enclosing another from 
Gannon. Merrick’s letter was short and business-like, wishing Rockland Co. all 
success, and promising to meet him at Washington after the crowd had passed, 
joining him with Gannon to make the original number. Gannon qualified the 
statement by vowing “ he’d be gol derned if they wouldn’t have a jolly old time 
arter cornin’ way down to Washingtown,” adding, “ Reckon the boys are keep- 
in’ all their old guns loaded up in Haverstraw. They ’low they’ll give you a 
‘ sockdolager ’ of gunpowder when you get back.” 

Rockland Co. smiled out loud, immediately afterward mailing postals to both, 
acknowledging their letters, etc. 

Soon after this Rockland Co. and Brewster went to the museum and found 
several thousand photographs awaiting them, as per instructions previously, 
through Adams’ Express. 

Our hero at this became quite jubilant, and* exclaimed : “ Now, my friend 
Tom, you can sell as many fortygrafts as you like, and I’ll never say a word. 
The more the merrier. ’ ’ 


56 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Tom didn’t seem vastly gratified, and only remarked : “ Vewy well, Wock- 
land, ITl sell them ; only I wish silver was a twifle less heavy to carwy.” 

Immediately after receiving the photographs the huge crowd made a rush for 
them, and Brewster was about an hour supplying the demand. 

Romeo and Jumbo were then put through their tricks, greatly to every one’s 
satisfaction. 

Remaining long enough for the matinee performance, our hero received a 
lion’s share of the profits of the week from Manager Starr ; then taking his two 
pets, and followed by Brewster, he went back to the Academy Hotel, where 
Romeo and Jumbo were left, while he went to see an old friend named Brooks, 
stopping at the St. Cloud Hotel, as per agreement. 

Rockland Co. and Brewster made their way slowly through the crowded 
streets, and just before arriving at the hotel our hero was waylaid by one of the 
reporters of The Baltimorean, a widely known and very popular journal. After 
an interesting conversation he took his leave, presenting Rockland Co. with a 
printed doggerel, of which the following is a facsimile : 

I’LL TRAMP, YOU BET ! 

Bespectfully dedicated to Bockland Co, 

I. 

I bet my money on Harrison, ’tis plain. 

For him I was a boaster. 

My lost money to retain 
I’ve to tramp with a porker and a rooster. 

II. 

I’m from the Empire State, I’d have you to know. 

The capital is my destination. 

There you’ll hear the rooster crow 
Over Cleveland’s inauguration. 

III. 

To a cosey coop in the White House yard 
I’ll consign my chicken and porker, 

With this legend upon my card : 

Cleve, do the right. I’m a left New Yorker.” 

Baltimore, February 25, 1892. 

Arriving at the St. Cloud Hotel, our hero was received by Mr. Brooks and a 
large company of friends in fine style. During the stay there an elegant cold 
collation was served, and the health of our hero was drank with all the honors ; 
Rockland Co. responding in a huge glass of lemonade. 

Immediately afterward, on behalf of the present company assembled, and as 
a tribute to pluck and enterprise, Mr. Brooks presented our hero with an Ameri- 
can flag which was raised over the grave of Francis Scott Key during an in- 
formal flag raising. Then the toast, “Francis Scott Key, author of ‘The Star 
Spangled Banner,’ may his name go down in honor to countless generations,” 
was given, while from a small anteroom draped with American flags floated the 
sweet air from a quartette of well-trained voices. The effect was electrical, 
being a complete surprise ; then the toast was drank standing by all present. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


57 


Next followed three cheers for Rockland Co. and his two favorites, Romeo and 
Jumbo, “ May he win the wager as well as the success due pluck and persever- 
ance.” These were given with energy, to which was added the waving of hats 
and handkerchiefs and clapping of hands. 

Order being restored, Rockland Co. thanked Mr. Brooks and guests for the 
flag in a neat speech ; then, after promising to meet him again in Washington, 
bade them all a hasty adieu and started with Tom for Delphy’s Hotel — the orig- 
inal Academy — by way of a passing street car, same being located on Howard 
and Franklin streets. 

Mr. Delphy gave a splendid banquet in honor of our hero, and wine flowed 
quite freely ; this caused Tom to grow rather hilarious, and while in this condi- 
tion he became quite enraptured with a pretty waitress by the name of Ada. 
The result was unfortunate for Thomas ; the reason being that as Ada turned 
her head to answer one of his very earnest inquiries, her sleeve caught on his 
chair, and a cup of boiling hot coffee, which she was passing to Tom at his re- 
quest, was suddenly upturned on his lavender inexpressibles in a cruelly sudden 
manner. 

His remarks to Ada previous to this were singularly apt : 

“ Weally, do you know how I feel ? You have— aw — set my heart on fiah. 
’Tis certwainly so.” 

The accident proved in a manner the truth of Tom’s assertion. But alas ! 
and alas ! it was not Tom’s heart that was concerned — it was his lower extremities. 

“ Oh, my gwacious !” sang out Tom, spinning around suddenly, “ won’t 
— aw — some pwerson assist me ? I’m getting burned terwibly ! Goodness ! I’m 
perwishing !” 

Several of the waiters rushed forward and removed Tom to where a liberal 
supply of arnica relieved his misery, but not his love for Ada. Oh, no ! that 
continued fresh and effervescent. 

There were a number of collegians at the table with Rockland Co., having a 
rattling good time, next day being graduating day. Among their number was a 
student by the name of Downey. Finally Downey got very drunk and fell 
under the table. Rockland Co. made a few remarks by request, stating that 
Downey was now Downey under the table, and that he hoped this joke would 
pass, as Downey would not. Then the glee club sang the following : 

I. 

A clear, sharp head may paint the town red. 

Yet a soft head is better than none. 

He’s a jolly good head — such a jolly good head. 

He’s Downey that’s Downey’s son. 

Refrain — He’s Downey that’s Downey’s son. 

II. 

The steady, cool head may tarry from bed. 

Yet leave the red wine and flee. 

Oh, the jolly good head— such a jolly good head 
Is too jolly a head for me. 

Refrain — He’s Downey that’s Downey’s son. 

After a tumultuous round of cheers for the pig-and-rooster pedestrian and ap- 
plauding the singers also, our hero returned to the hotel. 


58 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


CHAPTER X. 

THE WAGER FULFILLED. 

Sunday morning, March 1st, arrived, and found Rockland Co. astir early 
and after some little delay on Brewster’s part, his usual excuse, “ Awfully cold, 
you know,” they went down to breakfast. 

Rockland Co. found several letters from various ladies (mostly connected with 
the musical or operatic line), inviting him to call on them. 

Brewster remarked, after hearing one or two read, “You get a good many 
invitations from various — aw — pweple to call ; but, by gwacious ! I hope the — 
aw — Adams sisters come awound ; when we do call they are wegular daisies.” 

“ Tom!” exclaimed Rockland Co., “ you are an unconscious humorist. You 
are funny when you really don’t know it. You seem to be a second Adonis 
among the ladies ; only, of course, your dress is more extensive — as I believe that 
worthy seldom wore more than a bathing suit, which was of very close-fitting 
material, and — well, perhaps a collar and necktie. ’ ’ 

“ Wockland 1” exclaimed poor Tom, “ ’pon honah — aw — you know, you are 
dwedfully given to jokes. As for myself, I may sometimes smile ; but twuly, I 
hope I am — aw — not immodest even then. I — aw— wemember last summer pass- 
ing fwo — aw — New York by way of Staten Island, and while cwossing the ferwy 
I noticed one side of my — aw — newspaper was headed ‘ For Women’s Eyes 
Only,’ so I passed the sheet to the fwirst lady I saw, and she laughed wight out.” 

Immediately after breakfast our guests bade every one interested good- day 
and started off from the Carrolton in good style, handkerchiefs fluttering, hats 
swinging, etc., but after about half a mile had been traversed had to stop and 
supply a large crowd with photographs, they having followed closely after 
them. After the outskirts of the city had been gained both proceeded with more 
rapidity. 

About four hours out a cold rain set in. Slowly at first, then as the wind 
arose it fairly blew a gale ; the trees bent, groaned, and swayed by the road- 
side ; the clouds grew darker, then densely black, and the rain descended in tor- 
rents and sheets of water, while ever and anon there would be a flash of lightning, 
followed by a peal of thunder. 

“Well!” exclaimed Rockland Co., removing his hat (not his silk tile ; that 
was reposing in a box which was attached to the under side of Romeo’s crate by 
a string. This was a soft hat — just about as soft as the weather at that time). 
Rockland Co. wiped his brow, and continued: “We can’t stand this; it’s a 
regular ripper. Talk of a wet day !” 

At this very opportune conclusion Thomas groaned very dismally, but pres- 
ently exclaimed : “ By gwacious ! I’m dwenched to the skin. Hold up, Wock- 
land, old fel. We’ve stwuck luck at last. Here is— aw — a smoke-house of some 
kind, where the rain will not penetwate.” 

And, in fact, right on one side of the road appeared a large roomy shanty, 
the door of which stood invitinglj^ open. 

“ Why, Tom,” said our hero, stumbling over the road in the semi-darkness, 
“ it is a good thing that arrangement is painted white, or we couldn’t find it. It 
is a smoke-house ; and any place is desirable to get out of the rain and mud.” 
So on they went, and finally had the satisfaction of getting inside the structure. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


59 


and there seemed to be no one then residing in it. “ Here we are, safe and 
sound,” continued Rockland Co., “ and I think we are mighty lucky to get out 
of the rain.” 

Brewster only replied, “ Gwacious ! I’m— aw — terwibly oppwessed in this 
place. I wish my dear Ada could be mine ; but oh ! I am nearly stifled.” 

“What,” resumed Rockland Co, “haven’t you recovered from Ada yet? 
I thought lhat cup of coffee was a settler, Tom.” 

“Oh, no,” chimed in Tom; “it — aw — weall)' wasn’t her — aw — fault, you 
know ; and she doted on me. Oh, what a dwedfully close air !” 

In fact, Rockland Co. began to notice the atmosphere was unusually heavy, 
and thus attempted to explain the cause to Brewster’s satisfaction. 

“ You see, Tom, these smoke-houses are filled with vapor, which condenses 
after the various provisions are stored in them, and more especially after a heavy 
storm this vapor gradually sinks toward the earth. I notice myself a very strong 
odor when you stoop toward the floor of this building — really, very strong. 1 
haven’t any matches to examine the interior.” 

“ Stwong !” returned he, “ phew ! Why, over toward this corner ’tis posi- 
tively dwedful ! Oh, my darling Ada ! I’m afwaid we are sepawated fowever !” 

“Strange!” rejoined Rockland Co. ; “this smoke-house smells even worse 
than the majority.” At this moment a train on the Bladensburg branch road 
rolled by, and the headlight threw a bright glare, illuminating the surroundings 
far and near. “ Why, Tom,” shouted Lispenard, starting out the door in great 
haste, “ this isn’t a smoke-house. We’ve been badly sold. There’s the county 
school-house.” 

Here Brewster found his match-box in his watch pocket and struck a light, 
and then rejoined : “ That’s so, Wockland ; it’s a — ” 

“ Sh ! sh 1” interrupted our hero. “ Certainly, Tom ; an old-fashioned smoke- 
house ; or, more plainly, a private outhouse for public use.” 

Our travellers set forth as before, only stopping at a small farm-house for a 
slight lunch — including Romeo and Jumbo of course. 

Milstead’s Hotel, Laurel, Md., was reached at 2.30, Rockland Co. remarking 
that he was mighty glad of a chance to rest. After drying their clothes, Lis- 
penard fell in with an old friend named Green, and had a very pleasant conversa- 
tion with him. He related the following anecdote : 

“ Dining one day in a small restaurant not a great way from New York City 
— size, say, twelve by ten feet — the following legend was painted on the sign : 

‘ Terms cash. Please get through as quickly as possible so as to make room for 
the next.’ Well,” he added, “after burning the back of my coat on the red- 
hot stove and attempting to drink some bootleg coffee, I fled.” 

The hotel was crowded with guests, and our hero spent a very pleasant day, 
and plenty of photos were disposed of. They retired early. 

Monday, March 2d, they left Milstead’s, the large crowd which had assembled 
to see them off shouting themselves hoarse. Very bad travelling, owing to the 
mud. About two miles had been made when a colored woman was observed run- 
ning after them at full speed. Rockland Co. halted to find out what she wanted. 

On approaching our hero she exclaimed, speaking with difficulty, owing to 
being out of breath, “ I say — picter, massah, picter, massah 1 Give us a picter. 
Ise powerful glad to see you ; but I reckon I jes’ like to hab a picter of yourself 
an’ dose pig an’ little shanghi, to gib to de chillen to look at. Ah, dey doan’ 


60 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


spile it. Ise gwine to git a glass frame an’ set dat on de mantel. T’ank my 
lucky stars ef I doan’t.” 

On receiving a picture without charge, she departed with many expressions 
of satisfaction. 

En route to Bladensburg, Rockland Co. resolved to call in and see Mr. Jar- 
dine, who lived in good style, and had been one of many who had invited him to 
call. Upon arriving there they found a beautiful residence charmingly situated, 
and everything requisite for pleasure or amusement. 

Mr. Jardine was a capital story-teller, and time passed very agreeably. 

The following stories were at the expense of the tribe of Moses : 

A party requiring a suit of clothes resolved to try a Chatham Street dealer in 
New York. He accordingly dropped in to one of the best-known stores. (We 
will call the dealer’s name Cohen.) Here he selected a mixed cloth that appeared 
all right, and asked Cohen his lowest cash price. 

“ Fifteen tollar,” answered he. 

‘‘Fifteen dollars!” oh, come, now, you are joking. I want your lowest 
price.” 

At first Cohen was inexorable ; however, after remarking that “ dis pishness 
vas altogedder ruined by dem low brices,” he assumed an air of desperation and 
exclaimed, “ Say, take dis su-it right along at swelve tollar, ant I make no 
brofit !” 

His customer merely tapped him on the shoulder, winked knowingly, and 
answered : 

“ My friend, I don’t want to be robbed ; and I saw this same suit of clothes, 
or another just like it, right on this corner as I came up the street.; the suit was 
marked eight dollars. Remember, it was exactly the same suit — in style, make, 
and general appearance ; now, how do you account for it ?” 

“Vat!” shouted the dealer, “eight tollar? Merciful gootness ! At dose 
brices ve gife avay dis su-it for notings !” (With an expressive shrug.) “ Eight 
tollar ! Vos te man in dis store dark comblexion — someting like mine selif ? Tin, 
dark visker ant peard ?” 

“ Yes,” calmly assented his customer, “ such a party did stand in the door- 
way and asked me in.” 

“ Vait,” said the now excited dealer, “ I vant to visper sometings to you,” 
and drawing the astonished customer to within arm’s length he croaked huskily, 

sotto voce, “ take dis su-it at seven tollar. Dat man is a son of He is mine 

bruder.” 

The would-be customer did not buy, as would be the general conclusion. 

After the laughter subsided, Mr. Jardine related the following : 

A party, Rubinstein by name, was dangerously ill, and appreciating this fact, 
called his partner Jacob to his bedside. “ Jacob,” he whispered sorrowfully, 
“ ven I am no more on earth you vill bury me, like vise the five hundred tollar I 
put into the business ?” 

“ Very well,” sobbed Jacob. “ All what you tell me to do shall be done.” 

Two weeks later Jacob meets a friend. 

“ Why are you so sad ?” he inquires. 

“ Because,” replies Jacob, “ my conscience troubles me. I promised to bury 
my partner should he die, ant also the five hundred tollar he puts into our busi- 
ness ; but ven he departed I forgets it. Now it is too late.” 


A COMIC JOUKilEY TO WASHINGTON. 


61 


Oh, veil,” said his friend, “ open the grave ant drop the money in.” 

“ All right,” answered Jacob. ” Yust dat I shall do, ant my mind vill be easy 
once more.” 

Again, later on, they meet, and the friend asks, ” Yell, Jacob, do you feel 
better?” 

And Jacob answers, ” I feel happy as never vos.” 

” You put gold in dis grave, den ?” 

” No ; that vas vasteful.” 

“ Greenbacks ?” 

” No ; de damp destroys them.” 

” What then ? Bonds from de treasury ?” 

” No, indeed. My sheck to his order I” 

Mr. Jardine employed a Frenchman, by name Monsieur Yillars, a pompous 
sort of person, who imagined that he understood English quite perfectly. His 
position was that of major-domo, or a house superintendent, to overlook all affairs 
relating to guests, arranging of rooms, etc. This party was introduced to Rock- 
land Co. with much ceremony. During the conversation the subject happened 
to be the beauty of the falls of Niagara, and the Frenchman became quite ani- 
mated, having apparently viewed the falls in all their splendor. 

“ Wee I” he exclaimed, ” dis is von grand speckakle. Saparb ! Magnifique ! 
He come down fust-rate I fust-rate I” 

Rockland Co. here resorted to his handkerchief to hide his emotion, and then, 
to change the conversation, remarked, “ Monsieur, this is a very responsible posi- 
tion you hold with Mr. Jardine ; still, I suppose a gilt-edged reference from the 
other side, such as Mr. Jardine said you have, is as good a passport as any other, 
and no doubt it fills the bill to the letter.” 

As Rockland Co. uttered the word passport monsieur glanced first toward the 
speaker, and from him peered very cautiously through the open door leading to 
the hall, where the head servant, Mary Ann, was wiping down the marble stairs. 

” Peiss-porte !” vociferated he, excitedly. ” Peiss-porte I Non, monseer. 
In my countree ze ladies have ze great honeur to zem. Mafoi! Ve mus nevair 
make zis expression. An ze lady vill no pardon ze use of zis great injustice.” 

At this moment the upstairs bell rang violently for monsieur,, and he bowed 
rather distantly and went away in a very hasty manner. 

Rockland Co. gave a long wink at his host and remarked, ” Gracious I Won- 
der what is the matter with monseer ?” 

” Oh, that’s nothing,” replied Mr. Jardine with a laugh. “ Yillars says all 
women are equal, whether wash ladies or daughters of the nabobs ; and you 
affronted his peculiar ideas of propriety.” 

After spending the day with Mr. Jardine they concluded to stop there for the 
night, and therefore did so. 

Tuesday, March 3d, saw our travellers astir ; and Mr. Jardine got up a splen- 
did breakfast for them, after which the conversation happened to turn toward 
novelties in the theatrical line, when Mr. Jardine inquired of our hero whether 
he had heard the latest exponent of ” The Hunt School of Acting,” remarking 
that he had read in Shakespeare’s works of a man playing many parts, but that 
this actor really dispensed with most of the leading people and played all the 
important parts himself. I can’t say just how well he is doing, although some 
of the variety theatres booked him for short engagements ; yet I imagine he re- 


62 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


ceived more stage bricks than applause. ‘‘ I wrote off the following,” continued 
he, “ on that subject as thus : 

HERE LIES AN ACTOR. 

Bef^pectfully dedicated to Major Bichardson Hunt hy a much-afflicted public. 
Here lies an actor. 

Actors sometimes lie ; 

Oh, he was no ways shy ! 

What a mouth he had for pie, 

Or a glass of rock and rye ! 

Perhaps you’ll think it queer, 

But he also h’isted beer. 

Drop a tear 

Right here. 

Here lies an actor. 

Actors of this kind 
They are not so hard to find 
On the Rialto or the street. 

Calmly braving storm and sleet, 

Sharing with the free-lunch beat 
Sandwiches of bread and meat. 

And cold eggs, too, from each defeat. 

In the rustic towns they meet, 

Upon the Hunt School system ’twas severe. 

Drop another tear 

Right here. 

Thus the time passed pleasantly away, and included many a good story well 
told. 

Finally Rockland Co. referred to Monsieur Villars as one who looked as 
though given to love affairs. 

“ Yes,” replied our host, ‘‘ he is, somewhat — before coming here being 
deeply in love with a Spanish girl whose father owned a large sugar plantation 
and was reputed wealthy. I had the story from monseer’s own lips. It was 
entirely a chance meeting ; but owing to serious misunderstanding, arising from 
a loaded shot-gun and a ferocious bulldog, the lovers did not hold those little 
meetings necessary to their union. And the old story did not materialize. Hence 
the memories of shattered pleasure which disturb the bosom of the Villars.” 

“ Ah, I catch on,” exclaimed our hero. “How would these impromptu 
stanzas describe the affair ? 

“MET BY CHANCE. 

I. 

“ The bull-dog met the man from France — 

Met by chance the seat of his pants, 

Then he and the bull-dog had a dance. 

II. 

“ The old man met the beau at the door — 

Met by chance. The old man swore. 

A shot-gun spoke. Then all was o’er. 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


63 


“ If my memory serves, that suggests the closing stanza of Byron’s ‘ Siege of 
Corinth ’ : 

“ ‘ The clouds arose so dark and dun 

That the eagle, soaring upward to the sun, 

Startled, gave a cry and shriek. 

So was Corinth lost and won ! ’ 

or lines to that eifect. I think mine isn’ t such a had burlesque as to style, 
is it ?” 

“ No,” answered Mr. Jardine ; ” and, better yet, it is a very true description, 
for monsieur’s coat-tails were partly carried away by the bird-shot fired, while 
he was so well peppered that he had to recuperate under a doctor’s care. How- 
ever, all’s fair in love and war.” 

Further conversation ensued ; but time was pressing, so our hero bade Mr. 
Jardine good-day, and after receiving his best wishes for success, again resumed 
his two pets and started with Brewster for Bladensburg. 

Stopping for a short time at a hotel run by a party named Richardson, they 
were received with intense enthusiasm —photographs selling with amazing rapid- 
ity. While at this hotel Tom scraped an acquaintance with a large raw-boned 
female, having yellow hair, but much more yellow teeth ; and after she had gone 
to her room poor Brewster remarked, “ Say, Wockland, wasn’t that a stunning 
— aw — beauty I was conwersing with, you know ?” 

“Certainly,” answered he. “She was handsome enough to scare a hen 
from her nest. Tom,” he suddenly added, seeing that he looked rather down- 
cast, “ it is now nine a.m., and by half-past ten we will be in Washington.” 

“ Gwacious I” he responded. “ Well — aw — I am weddy to go in a fwirst- 
class walking match when we return to Haverstraw. Gweat sport, that, vewy !” 

“Yes,” answered Rockland grimly, “ for the spectators.” 

Here they started off, applause being loud and long from the guests assem- 
bled. 

As they tramped onward the crowds increased, and Brewster’s capacity as a 
photograph-seller was very severely taxed. 

At Pennsylvania Avenue hundreds were awaiting their arrival ; and as Rock- 
land Co. approached, some one shouted, “ Hurrah for the pig-and-rooster pedes- 
trian — the man who made a square wager and won it. Give him three cheers, 
boys !” 

Three hearty cheers followed ; and then w^orking their way through the 
crowd, Rockland Co. politely bowing his acknowledgments, they went to the 
corner of C Street and the above avenue, and there met Mr. Brooks by appoint- 
ment, our hero wishing to see the city at its best before the inauguration. 

As they walked on, groups of people met them, and they all in turn heartily 
cheered our hero and pets. 

Guided by Mr. Brooks, the Capitol was visited ; the magnificent frescoing of 
the interior being duly admired, as w^ell as the chambers for both Houses, etc. 
They next turned their steps toward the Navy Yard and looked at the monitors, 
also the President’s yacht. Among the curiosities shown them at the Navy Yard 
was a piece of iron from a monitor which was torn out by a ball from a Rebel 
ram. They also visited Butler’s houses, etc. 

Returning through the avenue, Brewster made a sad blunder, which caused 
the dignified Mr. Brooks to smile heartily. 


64 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


Passing a clothing store, Tom noticed several very finely attired gentlemen 
standing in easy attitudes on either side of the entrance. As Brewster was just 
in front of the store a singularly florid-looking young man bowed repeatedly in 
a very pleasing but singularly constrained manner. Poor Tom immediately 
rushed up to him, and, grasping the stranger’s hand, exclaimed : 

“ Ah, me lord, delighted to see you.” And then glancing toward the others, 
who seemed to be waiting to accost him, continued, “ I — aw — don’t weally 
wemember meeting these — aw — other gentlemen ; however, if they are any 
fwiends of yours they are fwiends of mine.” 

A loud laugh from Mr. Brooks caused Tom to examine into the cause of the 
mirth, when he suddenly left his new-found friends, and reaching our hero’s 
side, said : 

“ Why, say, aftwer all, those are only dwedful images made of wood or 
wax ; not — aw — weal people at all.” 

“ Tom,” exclaimed Rockland Co., “ some time a cow will eat you for fodder.” 
Here he burst into a violent fit of laughter. 

Tom continued, “ I thought the party that bowed to me was a cousin of — aw 
— Lord Garmoyle, you know, and the others pwobably were his fwiends. I was 
pweparing some cast-iron answers in case they should interview me, and put the 
usual chestnuts : whether I was marwied, and — aw — what salawy I was weceiv- 
ing while engaged in this journey. Gweat goodness ! they are chained about 
the waist, and are only dummies I” 

“ Well,” rejoined Rockland Co., “ that gets me — to take a wooden dummy, 
worked by a string from the inside, to be Lord Gumboil’s cousin. My goodness, 
Tom, you are a dandy !” 

Mr. Brooks left them here, as he had to make arrangements at the leading 
hotel for their reception, so he took the car in advance. 

Our travellers pushed on, and just before reaching the hotel were treated to 
the following from a quartette of trained voices, a large crowd blocking the 
way. (Tune, “ Yankee Doodle.”) 

I. 

Rockland County came to town 
Along with Tommy Brewster ; 

To Washington he brought renown 
And a lively pig and rooster. 

Chorus — Blow the trumpet, beat the drum, 

’Twill set the people going 
When Romeo begins to squeal 
And Jumbo does the crowing. 

Tremendous cheering followed this chorus. 

II. 

From New York City might and main 
Our champion w^alked it over. 

Alas ! though then he stuck to Ben, 

He lost his bet through Grover. 

Chorus — Repeat. 


I 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


65 


III. 

One thousand dollars was the stake 
The victor saved by going ; 

So Rockland County takes the cake, 

. ‘ While Jumbo does the crowing. 

Chorus — Repeat. 

Going rapidly on, the hotel was reached, and they were enthusiastically re- 
ceived, being now sure winners. 

The balance of the day was spent at this hotel, Mr. Brooks having arranged 
everything. 

Toward evening an elegant repast was gotten up, and toasts to “ Our Square 
Winner” were given and returned. Finally our guests retired to a room espe- 
cially arranged for Rockland Co. ; here, though looking for comfort, he was sur- 
prised — it was the spare room for important personages. 

The walls were hung with crimson satin draperies relieved by pale blue, and 
the bedstead was an elegant one of carved brass and scroll-work. One entire 
side of the room was draped in the national colors, while in letters formed of 
evergreens and cut roses placed over the door was the legend, “ Welcome to the 
Pig-and-Rooster Pedestrian.” 

Rockland Co. was completely surprised by this sight, and thinking it was the 
work of Mr. Broolcs, hurried out to see him. He found him in the parlor con- 
versing, and he acknowledged the soft impeachment, so Rockland Co. thanked 
him very fervently and retired. 

Wednesday, March 4th, our travellers were astir early, and after a cordial! 
farewell from Mr. Brooks, started for Pennsylvania Avenue, being anxious to 
get in line with the regular formations. 

People on the route were all in excitement ; crowds followed after our two^ 
travellers, cheering them and stopping Tom to buy photographs ; so it was slow 
work, and by the time Pennsylvania Avenue was reached the big procession was^ 
being reviewed by the President-elect. 

On reaching the avenue it was uncomfortably filled with people — packed with 
them ; and the sidewalks — whew ! 

The scene at that time was one that could scarcely be surpassed. 

The flying colors from various public and private buildings, the steady tread 
of the marching regiments and organizations, the cheers of the onlookers as this 
or that one charmed the eye or gratified the senses, the bright color of the 
various uniforms, and the flash of countless bayonets as the sun glanced across 
them during the march — all this was calculated to raise a martial feeling in the 
breast of spectators, as well as to confirm their ideas as to the importance of the 
inaugural ceremony, of which the review constituted one of the leading features. 
And still more was this the case when, looking toward the Capitol, Grover 
Cleveland, the President-felect, was seen, his face and figure plainly visible, sur- 
rounded by his staff and guard of honor (including the various military and 
naval officers), slowly reviewing this mighty procession. 

The pig-and-rooster pedestrian found it rather w^arm and somewhat diflficult 
to reach the lines as he slowly worked his way along. Many in the crowd must , 
have seen him on previous occasions, or else they had read the papers closely,., 
for cheer after cheer greeted the wager- winner as he finally pushed Tom next 


66 


A COMIC JOUKNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


him and took his position in the lines of the Washington firemen. The men in 
this organization were arrayed in very neat style, their shirts being of silk and 
their belts new and handsome. The ropes of the engine were silk, forming the 
national colors, while the engine itself was an elegant machine, and almost hid- 
den by a profusion of natural fiowers. The company were on the point of start- 
ing as our hero joined them, and they were soon afterward in motion. 

As the line of the procession halted a few moments, Rockland Co. received 
quite a tap on the shoulder, and looking . around, there were his trusty friends, 
Merrick and Gannon. “Well done, Merrick, my old friend !” “Halloo, Am- 
brose ! How are you ?” were the salutations. Then depositing his two pets on 
the ground, he gave each a warm shake of the hand. Then there was a start in 
the line again as it slowly passed on and up the avenue until they were re- 
viewed by the President and staff, when the ceremony of the day was over. 

THE WAGER WAS FULFILLED, 

and it was with a light heart that Rockland Co. received the applause of the mov- 
ing crowd as they held on their way, many curious and eager people following 
after, and all appearing interested in them. Finally a big crowd ahead of them, 
seeming to have found out just what he had been doing, charged on Tom and 
compelled him to shell out photographs in a way that drove the poor fellow half 
frantic. Then ensued a state of great enthusiasm ; hats were thrown in the air, 
and cheers were hearty and prolonged. Eventually our hero (who was some- 
thing of a hero now) and his three friends boarded a Pullman car on a fast ex- 
press of the Pennsylvania Railroad. Soon afterward the train was in motion, en 
route to New York,^and thence to Haverstraw. Mr. Brooks met them at the depot 
just previous to their departure and bade them a cordial farewell. 

Dense crowds gathered at the various stops made, and the photographs re- 
maining diminished very rapidly, being passed out of the car windows to the 
buyers. During the trip there was plenty of time for conversation. 

“ Goldern my buttons!” exclaimed Gannon. “We had a high old time 
afore seein’ you, Rockland Co. , my boy ; and oh, my ! the prices for fodder 1 it 
was jest awful !” And Gannon looked rather weary as a vision of a depleted 
pocketbook arose before his mental vision. 

Here Brewster came out of a brown study of the scenery outside the car win- 
dows and remarked, “ Say, Wockland,” tapping him on the shoulder and then 
glancing toward Merrick, “ didn’t I do pwetty well on an — aw — a v wage, you 
know, during this gweat twip ?” 

“ Certainly, Tom,” frankly replied the pedestrian ; “ much better than I ex- 
pected.” 

“ Well,” resumed Tom, “ there is weally more — aw — weal gwit in me than 
you would imagine. Aw — pwaps it’s natuwal ; for one of my distant welatives 
was a terwible fire-eater — wegular terwor — Genewal Bwewster ; he fought under 
Havelock in India, I bwelieve ; ’twas Sepoys caused it. His wegiment was the 
Gwenadier Gwards, and — aw — whenever the battle was waging most terwibly 
he would wush in — ” (here Tom hesitated, and Rockland Co. winked the other 
eye at Merrick, and proceeded with the story) “ would rush into the nearest tent 
and get under the bed, to preserve his war papers, as well as to^be in position to 
hinder the enemy in case he retreated.” (One of his relations. Colonel Lacy, 
having lost his war papers at a matinee on the Bowery.) “ It’s all perfectly 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


67 


plain, Tom. Give me a lock of your hair ; I will want to hang on to it in case 
you conclude to go to India.” 

Tom looked at his Uncle Merrick sheepishly, and then said, “ Wockland Co. 
won’t let a fellow alone.” 



Two Irish laborers were standing by an unfinished house, where a five-minute 
•stop was made for water, and this was their conversation : 

“ Shure, I wint to say the play last noight ; ’twas no good — a cumidy farce 
wid no farce in it at all at all. An’ the felly foreninst me, as we cum out of the 
theayter, says he to me, loike this : 

“ ‘ The theayter shook so wid explosions of lafther 
That the building fell down a little while afther. 

A narrow escape had the unfortunate punster. 

But he took the quick train on the railway to Munster.’ 

Anyway, Moike, I’d rayther say the mon that walked to Washington and his 
nate pig an’ rooster ; shure, an’ indade he bates the worruld !” 

Mike, called on to verify his statement, exclaimed : “ Shure, Pat, doan’t I 
know that, for didn’t we mate him in February lasht, walkin’ wid that same pig 
find roosther, an’ not knowin’ ’twas the great thraveller whin we were on McGin- 
nis’ job in Jersey City. Say, look,” he [suddenly shouted, “look in that car 
window. It’s him, wid his young dude an’ all !” At this they both made a rush 
for the car, where they soon satisfied their curiosity, besides getting photographs 
gratis. Soon afterward they departed highly gratified. 

At Spring Valley quite a long stop was made, when Romeo and Jumbo, 
gayly decorated with ribbons, were shown to the crowd that lined the sidewalks. 
Tremendous cheering for the successful walker and wager-winner followed. 
Then there was a fusillade of small arms intermingled with the blowing of 
whistles and horns as the train moved slowly away, Rockland Co. and party 
swinging their hats and canes in return. One feature at Spring Valley deserves 
mention. Posters had been pasted on the walls and fences in the principal 
Avenues, etc., bearing the picture of a game-cock, and the following underneath : 

Always Ready. Who ? Rockland Co., the Wager- Winner.” 


68 


A COMIC JOURNEY TO WASHINGTON. 


At Haverstraw a handsome carriage was in waiting, and the whole party 
were driven from the depot to the United States Hotel, it being then about six 
o’clock P.M. 

After an elegant banquet to the acknowledged winner, and toasts to the man 
who had successfully completed the diflScult and extremely long although comic 
journey to Washington, the party^broke up and adjourned outside the hotel, 
where there were salutes from two patriotic although antique Mexican field 
pieces, besides continual firing from every good citizen who possessed a gun. 
My ! but the joyous growls of those old cannon did make the people stare ! 

A grand display of fireworks ended the demonstration. 

Then Romeo and Jumbo were removed to the carriage, wliere their owner and 
his friends shortly followed, and they were driven to Spring Valley. 

En route, Gannon returned the checks guaranteeing the good faith of the prin- 
cipals to their respective owners. 

Just before our hero arrived at his domicile our friends took their leave, and 
Merrick gave him a warm hand-shake, the others^ doing similarly, Merrick re- 
marking very emphatically, “ Rockland^Co., the wager is in exery sense and man^ 
Tier squarely fulfilled. ’ ’ 

Gannon ^nodded assentingly, wnile Brewster said very quietly, “ Uncle, I’m 
weally pwetty glad to return in good order. I was wather doubtful fwirst. 
Still, alarm is not my 'ailing.” 

Arriving at his home, Mrs. L. was at first a little rattled, thinking it might 
be some wandering phoenix in the pork and poultry line Then she exclaimed 
with much vivacity, “ Good lands, Petey, it is you !” and welcomed him as a 
big success, while Fannie and Flewie joined in. 

At this moment travelled nobles were in the consomme. During the con- 
versation, interesting to them after such a long journey as Rockland Co. had 
finished, our hero w^as mentioning the various types and styles of feminine beauty 
in pink and white, and — well — no, we won’t say black and white, as they don’t 
show well together. As he was relating some of the experiences here narrated, 
Mrs. L. gazed at him very archly, and then exclaimed : “ Look at me, Petey !” 

“ Certainly,” said our hero ; “ you are looking tip-top. As I was saying, the 
Adams — ” 

“ Look at me, Petey !” 

“ Yes, indeed, you are looking splendid.” 

“ Equal to any of the ladies you saw ?”. 

“ Oh, certainly ; yes — in fact, far prettier than — ” 

Then the conversation continued. 

Rumor now has it that Romeo is rocked in a silken crib and has his tail put 
in papers to keep the curl in, as a nightly occurrence. As to this, the historian 
cannot say ; but have understood that Jumbo has mastered the intricacies of the 
“,Cleveland*'W altz, ” and crows it through correctly. 

Furthermore, when asked the first thing that Cleveland did on entering the 
White House as the representative of the great Democratic Party, Jumbo stretches 
himself to his full height, rufifles out his feathers as much as possible, and gives 
an ear splitting “ Cock-a-doodle-doo !” 


FINIS. 








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